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125,020 Literary Works • 672,737 Reviews
You're starting to sound a touch like Brad.
This is a great improvement from some of your earlier poetry. It flows well throughout and ends strongly.
I liked it, a lot. Especially the first few images. It had a weak ending, but the overall feeling of it was...er...not "sad" precisely, but it was relatable.
This reminds me of something that I wrote. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not but I <u>love</u> the opening stanza/line/whatnot. Mostly because well, it seems true. It isn't just poetic words made to sound pretty. Honestly, a lot of the poetry I've read lately seems unbearingly surreal..maybe it's just because of my lack of interest in the fantasy world, but <i>anyway</i>, I appreciate the poem's sincerity.
Umm, you know i hate that i havent been "ontop" of reading on YWS because once i get to it, all that needed to be said has been said. But i feel like telling you anyway.
I agree with snoink and gummy. But i did love the poem very much. so i also agree with writingluver5.
If such a great musician took the time to read this, I'd be honoured.
Try being constructive next time and someone might appreciate your "wit".
I think if Conor Obrest read this he'd commit suicide just so he could turn over in his own grave.
I loved this poem...it captured the emotions so well. You have great talent. Need I say more?
Mary
I actually thought it was quite beautiful. An image of falling from grace, in many ways. I enjoyed it.
Yeah, you're both right. The images in this are a bit rubbish. Still, I needed to get something off my chest. You know that feeling like everything you try to float, the ship is still gonna sink anyway? Flogging a dead horse, I think they call it. But that's a rather blunt expression.
I agree with Snoink that that line didn't exactly...flow as much of the rest of the poem did. I wouldn't be so picky if it weren't for the fact that you ARE and CAN BE such a good poet.
These lines sounded a little awkward... I think it's the "made no sense." It sounds so familiar that it doesn't strike an image.
But I love the last stanza, especially the imagery of the last line.