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FOR: Jack



I'm both drawn to and repelled by this piece. The language is intoxicating, but the point is nauseating, and I found myself falling to sleep in mid-sentence. You've got a nice meter going on here (and whoever tells you you don't needs to read it aloud), but the connections from one idea to the next are vague. Without any kind of solidified pronoun playing in this piece, I find it hard to connect...



Brad

heh. that would be my first thought.

upon rereading. heh. but a good one, this time. took me a few readings to grasp any sort of meaning, but the last line, and then with that in contect.. yeah. almost seems to beat around the bust some, and the imagery almost gets in the way.. almost. first and last work well together, the second..reading it a few times it does work in context, but on the first reading it's unclear (too me).

now, please forgive my unintelligible ramblings (that were cut a bit short). This I like much more than other recent work of yours (posted work, that is). now, if you want, give me a few hours (so tomorrow) I can come back and nit-pick.. but that's up to you. good work, now make it better.

I don't know why but I really like this poem.

That's all I reall can say except that I think it was brilliant...

~Lozareth~

Anything is better than silence.