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139,503 Literary Works • 672,590 Reviews
I think "is you" should probably be at the bottom of the previous stanza. Also, the one thing this poem lacked were commas and semi colons. It is so hard to read poems like this that don't have them. I mean, seriously. However, I agree with nickel pickle. It was short and did keep your interest. Just add some commas...
Loved it. The rhythm was steady and it all flowed well. Though in the second stanza I think punctuation of some sorts might do nicely, it's a bit of a mouthful.
I really love your poetry! This was shorter, so it kept my interest and I raelly liked it... Srry, no criticism..
Thanks.
I'll remove the 'whole'.
again, firestarter, you're a great poet! I love the way, at the end of the second stanza, you stop and then finish the sentence at the beginning of the third...don't know why, it's just cool that way.
I don't care how many poems you post, 'cause I'll read them all and think they're great...
Yet asgain I love this - I do like your poems alot!!!
I feel that you don't the the 'Whole' in the second line but thats my opionin.
otherwise as I say love it...
muchous love wu