Young Writers Society


petals blowing in the summer wind

Comments & reviews · 4
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Firestarter
Comment

yeh, Mesh, you just hit the nail directly on the head there.

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Meshugenah
Review

i hide my eyes behind thin strips of dried-out hair that filter the world
yet they're the only crystals on my dull grey image
that glitter.

I love this. absolutely love it.

they don't move fast, but i'm too tired to follow
their floaty pattern confuses my unused touch.

not sure about floaty... doesn't feel right when read.

it's way past sunset and the stars are whispering to me
but i ignore them and lick the last dribbles of spent alcohol
my hair is wet from the morning moisture
my lips are dry from long-lost memories and empty promises
summer has only just begun, but i've already ended.

the transition between the 2nd and 3rd lines feels awkward.. not sure if you wanted that or not.

Good god Jack. Beautiful, as always. This feels to me like those summer days everyone hates. It's warm out, sun shining, people swimming (or something along those lines), friends talking and laughing, and you're sitting there with no one to talk to, and the one thing you thought you could count on (for whatever that may be, even just counting on something to be something its not), is not there, or is, but isn't (if that makes sense).

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Kay Kay
Comment

I loved it! It was much better than anything I could have done. Me and poems just don't mix. Anywayz I enjoyed reading it and can't wait to read more of you poems. Keep up the good work!

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Myriadne
Comment

I loved the line "but you could always fake expensive things like love". I liked this one a lot. You have captured something here and it is brilliant.



In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one's literary and philosophical principles.
— Lemony Snicket