Young Writers Society

Hi, Firestarter ^-^
First off, this was epic. MORE than epic, it was legend. Lol
And btw, you DO have style. Don't listen to people who have nothing better to do than come on here and put you down. Your brillant.
I LOVE poetry written like this. There’s so much mystery and work put into. The depth is breathtaking, really. It’s beautiful, and if you get any negative reviews, well, they’re out of line haha
One little part that I didn’t understand was the opening line, though:

those who forget the past have no future

and hide in the corner of my room

where the bright lights of the city can't reach



i forever make comments about the cliche

anonymous red rose lying outside the front door

of someone knowing who i really am.

Aow! I lovelovelove the flow and rythm of this piece! It's just so delightful to read! It may have begun quite cliché but the rest of the content was written in an original way and I really like your style! To complain on something I must ask you to at least add some capitals since I assume the lack of punctuation is on purpose.

4/5 icky, sticky spiders to you!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

hmm. mediocre. you make it seem as if there's only two ways to live: abide by the system or be an outcast. your poem makes it sound as if being an outcast is a bad thing. it really isn't. everyone talks about how they want to be different, because being the same as someone else is boring, etc etc. but really, people are just naturally alike. many people become emo/goth or some other "style" because "they want to be different" but in their effort to be different they fall in line with the very people they're trying to be different from. many call emos and goths "the outcasts." yet how are we outcast if there are so many of us? in reality we aren't outcast at all. we're simply misunderstood. same goes for any other "style" in this world. anyone can be an outcast. if you think about it, everyone is an outcast in one way or another, and everyone abides by the system in one way or another.

and as for the cynicism part, a true cynic isn't afraid to let people know who they really are. they simply don't want to.

I only critique poems I like. Here is my critique. If you are going to start with a cliche, put it in quotes so that the person reading it doesn't read the first two line and think "this guy has nothing new to say." I almost stopped reading after the first line because I've read that before. You make very strong statements in the first two stanzas. Very anti-establishment. You lose it when you say, "but I don't want to be out of the system." Why? Nothing in the first two stanzas says anything positiive about the system. It brainwashes schoolchildren. I wouldn't want to be a part of the system you describe. Give me a reason you don't want to be out of the system. Or, is it not that you don't WANT to be out, but find that you CAN'T get out. Is it simply imposible to live outside of the system? Have you yourself been brainwashed too? What does the system offer you? This poem actually engaged my brain. Thank you.

Fabulous. The ending really resonated... the whole thing was perfect.

I thought it was very good. You really captured and worded your point well.
I wish I had some suggestions, but I don't. Keep writing

And people knowing who you are is really just succumbing to the machination. Not wanting people to know who you are is also a part of the system.

Meh. Rock'n'Roll.

Very interesting. Definitely speaks to our culture today, and the struggles we face. But it also seemed kind of defeatist, and borders on existentialism. There's no point in trying not to conform without being completely outcast, so why bother trying? Well written, but if this is how you really feel, I'm sure you can find a more optomistic way of looking at the world.

That was deep and very well written. I liked the end too and also because it makes it more sensitive, like Crysi stated.
A wonderful poem, really.

..Absolutely amazing, Jack. Yet again you've brought words together to form the most meaningful poem.. Beautiful. I love how the last stanza brings a somewhat sensitive touch to the almost angry poem. It's so desperate, and then you end it with a truth many of us can never bring ourselves to admit. Bravo.

Eh.. Sorry, not critique. It was really great...

wow

this is one ofthe most amazing poem i've ever read. seriously.

all i can say is wow =D>