Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Dramatic


get away from me [lyncathropy] (over 13 - language)

by Firestarter



Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
594 Reviews


Points: 6831
Reviews: 594

Donate
Tue Jun 07, 2005 2:13 am
Crysi says...



*blinks* VERY old. But I like this.. and I absolutely LOVE the last two italicized lines. It's so.. venomous. I can picture it being said with a harsh sneer on the speaker's face. Excellent.




Random avatar

Points: 890
Reviews: 25

Donate
Sat Jun 04, 2005 2:11 pm
Bazoo wrote a review...



*looks at date* It IS old.
o.O

Well, it's good to dig up old pieces and see how you've improved since then.

I like that first stanza with counting the minutes, really seemed effective to create a sense of tension.

Faith did point out something; it seems to switch a sense of "style" in the first to second stanza. It didn't make the poem bad or anything, but it did seem to switch gears a little.




User avatar
1259 Reviews


Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Donate
Fri Jun 03, 2005 8:29 pm
Firestarter says...



Wow, I posted this a long time ago. Talk about diggin up old threads! I hate this poem, lol. I do now anyway. Thanks anyway for the comments.




User avatar
78 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 78

Donate
Fri Jun 03, 2005 7:59 pm
Soyala Amaya wrote a review...



Heya fire, long time no critique, eh? Well, to start off, this was pretty good. Over all, I liked it, but you lose me partway through it. The third stanza just...doesn't seem to fit. Actually, I think you might be able to completely do without it. It just seems like there was an idea you wanted in there, but it dosent' work, so you're going to put it in there anyway. Stubborn, aren't we?




User avatar
30 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 30

Donate
Fri Jun 03, 2005 3:04 pm
Trinity says...



i really liked it and so what if you used one swear word it was still good great emtion to i really liked the whole thing

Great poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




User avatar
1259 Reviews


Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Donate
Fri Jan 14, 2005 4:12 pm
Firestarter says...



Well, I used the f*** word.




User avatar
665 Reviews


Points: 6165
Reviews: 665

Donate
Thu Jan 13, 2005 11:25 pm
Chevy says...



I really liked it and all, but one question: What language?




User avatar
1259 Reviews


Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Donate
Tue Jan 11, 2005 8:00 pm
Firestarter says...



Thanks a lot everybody.

Myriadne, I share your evaluation of the third stanza, however, I'm a bit stuck for ideas, I've kinda lost the flow of this poem now. Got any suggestions for improvement?




User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 10

Donate
Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:58 pm
InnerTurmoil says...



very nice, thw word use is awesome over all the emotion is great I love the last bit!!!




User avatar
48 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 48

Donate
Fri Jan 07, 2005 11:52 pm
Myriadne says...



I really liked the first stanza. Your use of language is wonderful. I think that maybe it becomes a bit prosaic in the third stanza, but that is probably just me. I'm a sucker for pretty language.




User avatar
1258 Reviews


Points: 6090
Reviews: 1258

Donate
Thu Jan 06, 2005 10:05 pm
Sam says...



woah...this was really great! A lot of people try to vent in their poetry but don't do it correctly...forget the language! this was awesome!





“Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.”
— Dylan Thomas