nwards.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Ooh, much nicer.
WOOHOO! And someone actually paid attention to my critique, I see, Mr. Jack.
Wondering where you're gonna go, though, because you said it wasn't going to be straight historical fiction. Still cool though.
Cool - I enjoyed this
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My only gripe is that a couple of sentences seem a little long, but they're not a major problem
Yes, the quarterdeck, poop deck and forecastle are all on the top lol. I'll make some changes...there's a little more but not much.
oh.. much better. and there are other people on watch! Nit-pick time!
This was not how he had imagined battle, he thought lamely, as the men navigated the steps downwards.
ok, this was bugging me. "he thought" I tend to view as an equevalent of "he said", and he doesn't say/think anything, you tell from an omnipotent POV, so it's awkward, and incostiant. basically it was "he had imagined," and then "he said" which doesn't make any sense (yes, I nit-pick)
nighttime darkness
ok, this was annoying me, too. night-time darkness? erm.. most places are dark at night, so maybe a bit more detail? moon light on the ocean, good. Swaying (or rather, rocking) of the ship.. something about the wind.. it was always cold when I was on a ship at night..
wait.. are all those decks on top? oh so nautical i am, I can't remember. If so, it is eerily quiet (2nd paragraph) but also waves! unless you're in a really calm ocean. Other then that (and people talking) it is eerily quiet.
So.. do you have any more?