Young Writers Society

This is such an amazing poem, and the fact that you didn't reveal the fact that the child was male until half way down makes the forced gender roles seem so much more repulsive and just wow. This is great.

I love this so much. You're an amazing writer. :3

I just want to say you are my favorite poet if all time and your poetry inspired me to do what I want in my life.

Hi . . . I was planning on keeping my mouth shut about this one, but the last few lines snagged my eyes.

I must wear these gender appropriate rags.

Cinderella, I guess i'm still

waiting for my glitter to fall;

to become the princess I deserve to be.

Hey there!
I just loved this poem.It was just so beautiful. The way you described the child's emotions so humbly and beautifully was just amazing. Your poem really drew me to it cause I could really place myself in in the child's place and imagine what Cinderella would be to her. A reminder of all that is pure and beautiful and the simple fact that all usually turns out good in the end. Which I believe is the common conception of every child.

I loved the way you described the child's emotions specially the last two stanzas when the child is like trying to relate Cinderella into his own life and trying to imagine himself as Cinderella.

"But apparently boys can't wear dresses.

I was forced into a plaid shirt, oversized hat,

and cowboy boots and told to play.

I loathed every second of that day."

This particular line was specially catching because till then I thought it was about a little girl wanting to be like Cinderella but it was a really great idea to use this.

I really loved your poem please keep on writing more!

-Budding writer

Hey retrodisco666!
Your poem is packed with emotion. I enjoyed reading it. The way you described a child's dream to be cinderella is worth praising.
Keep writing. I would love to read more from you.

I don't have much time to leave a review, but let me just tell you now that I absolutely adored this poem. Wonderful job. I'm speechless

Hey Retrodisco! Em101cats here to review!


Every single one of your poems amazes me. Every. Single. One. I love them all!!!!!

Cinderella, I guess i'm still

The way it slid onto your foot made me believe that miracles could happen.

Hi!

So, I read the poem several times, and my general impressions? First of all, it's a little bit too long. Perhaps you were going for the whole making it seem like a never-ending waltz effect, to make it in tune with the whole Cinderella theme, but it just seemed long and rambly.

The next thing is that you kept on missing out these opportunities to use all these cool metaphors that you threw out. You mentioned that Cinderella's rags turned to a beautiful gown. Then you mentioned that, instead of being in a beautiful gown, you were in cowboy gear. Then you mentioned that you are being forced to wear rags that do not allow you to be the princess you should be. Well... that's not tying it together very well, poetically speaking. What if you mentioned Cinderella's rags, then talked about the birthday party and say something like you stared at the mirror, hoping that these rags would melt away? So, that ties in this idea of rags to gowns and can help you consolidate this poem more.

Next thing... the hook. You really don't have one. I mean, you start off the entire poem by talking about how you sitting down watching a screen, instead of getting to the cool part of the poem. If I started a story about how I was sitting down and staring at a screen, it would probably be very boring and not give that "hook" that I wanted. Since this is a narrative poem in which you tell a story, you need to have that same sort of "hook" that you would have in a story.

Another thing you need to watch out for is your language. It's rather boring, and there really isn't any particular images that stand out, except perhaps the glitter falling. You could take out the lines and have a story instead of a poem... which is probably a good thing since this is a narrative poem, but the story would be pretty simple and kind of boring as well. Look at it:

I used to sit and stare at the screen for hours. That glitter fell as you turned into the princess you deserved to be. Those ragged ruined clothes became a ball gown which you wore with such majestic grace that I sat in awe.

I adored the way you danced. How each step with Prince Charming moved my heart to the point of breaking. Oh Cinderella, how I wept when you left that solitary glass slipper on those finely polished steps; the last reminent of your beauty. I used to cry and cry until he returned, mounted on steed, slipper in his hand. The way it slid onto your foot made me believe miracles could happen.

When I was nine years old I was invited to a fancy dress party. I begged and pleaded to go as you Cinderella, to try and copy your beauty, to replicate your grace and poise. But apparently boys can't wear dresses. I was forced into a plaid shirt, oversized hat, and cowboy boots and told to play. I loathed every second of that day.

In my dreams I waltz with my prince. We dance like you Cinderella. We move across the floor like it is made of ice; eternally gliding into our happy ever after. But in my waking nightmare I must wear these gender appropriate rags. Cinderella, I guess i'm still waiting for my glitter to fall; to become the princess I deserve to be.

Hello!

BrilliantMustaches here for another review...

WOW. I seriously think this so beautiful. I love how it was a perspective from a little kid. This sends such a big message in such a small poem, and I applaud you for that. In the beginning it is so bubbly and graceful, then the feeling of the poem changes dramatically, but it flows through perfectly.

The way it slid onto your foot

made me believe miracles could happen.