Our Warzone

by retrodisco666

Published December 17, 2012

In poem

The sky outside is burning
and there is no-one left around.
The familys, they are weeping,
over their dead upon the ground.
 
When father, son, sister and mother
must fight side by side.
Can they conquer the world?
Or are they destined to die?

The city is engulfed in flames,
are we watched in star-struck awe,
when did our reality,
suddenly become our war.

We distance ourselves from things,
we don't want to believe.
there's a Petrol bomb in Syria,
so we turn off the TV.

I watched the night sky bleeding,
as the screams come through my door,
when all you know is falling,
is time to go to war?
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
wolf9599 Review
wolf9599 wrote a review Review · Dec 18, 2012

This was a very good poem! Though short, it was very moving.
I espically loved what you said at the end: I watched the night sky bleeding, as screams come through my door..."

I thought you worded that very well :).
I didn't really notice any mistakes, except you spelled families wrong-you spelled it as familys, but I am being really picky here lol.
And when you said, "The city is engulfed in flames, are we watched in star-struck awe..."
Did you mean this, AS we watched in star-struck awe..."?
It also would of been nice if you had added another small paragraph or two, but that's just me being picky lol

But besides that, I love this :). <3

User avatar
cj2344
Review
cj2344 wrote a review Review · Dec 17, 2012

This poem is intriguing. I loved the imagery, and the twist at the end. It's beautiful in the way that it shows something ugly, and then something pensive. It got my mind moving, and isn't that always the point? The language was interesting, the way certain things were phrased made the poem come to life.
I'm sorry I don't have anything to really help with, but I hope this review was helpful anyways :).
Please keep writing!



"I never expected that I should be a queen so soon."
— Alice's Adventures in Wonderland