The truth about stars
I remember when I
was six years old
and my grandma died,
I asked my mum where she went
and she just said the sky.
That night she came and sat with me,
on my small blue bed,
she pointed out the window,
to the stars then she said,
Grandma is resting up in the sky,
everyone will see her now
all through each night.
Now i'm much older,
and you rest in your bed.
You say you've chosen where your going
and that you don't have much time left.
The stars have taken you,
in the cold nightmare embrace.
They hold you too the heartless bosom,
and rob you from your wake.
So now everytime I see them,
I think only of you.
Your star is somewhere,
and when I see it,
I'll know it's you.
The drunken haze of the lost man
No new stars.
Just old.
Filled with lies,
drained of hope.
Poisoned nightmares,
memories gone.
Anger rising,
all is lost.
Called them up,
no new ones appeared.
She just died,
and that's it.
Drink is good.
Helps me sleep.
My mum has gone,
so I need help.
I hate all of them,
they personify the lie.
My pain will be over.
Once they leave the sky.
I'll get rid of the drink,
and ease the pain away,
I will have revenge on the stars,
one day.
Oh how I hate the stars
Oh how I hate the stars.
How they mock me in the night.
How they dance with the moon,
and cast a pitiful light.
Oh how I hate the twinkle,
the twinkle that they own,
I hate the way they give romantics,
the feeling that they're not alone.
The planets that relied on them,
the stars that I now see,
they can take them all back,
as they mean nothing to me.
Oh how I hate the stars,
such small pitiful things,
They ruin all the comfort,
that the darkness brings.
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139,498 Literary Works • 672,588 Reviews
Hello! Wow, lovely poem you have here.
Even though I disagree with your point here (I love the stars) you stated nice reasons why, which is important. I'm glad you did that.
I found just one grammar mistake-
- the "I" in "I'm" needs to be capitalized.
Other than that, no grammar mistakes.
I think my favorite line is
I just love it!
I really don't have much criticism, so I'm sorry if this doesn't help much. :3
WillowPaw1~
The last poem is very dark, but that makes it better. The last stanza of the last poem is my favorite. Just know, death is a part of life. Everyone dies.. but have faith. There is life afterwords.
Hello!! Rain here!!
So, I will review the first one first.
Red- Grammer mistakes
Blue- Things I think you should change to make the poem better, in my opinion, or from my expereance.
Pink/purple- Things I really like
Green- Aditional comments
Only think I'm unsure of is if it was you mother that had died.
Second one-
I really dan't have anything to say, I don't really like it, and I don't know really how you could fix it...
Third-
This one is my favorite, even though I disagree, I love the stars. But this being my favorite, even though I disagree says something I guess. I like the things you said that I had poined out, they made the poem really good.
Hope that helped, sorry I could help more...
~Rain~