My dear Icarus,
how I longed for your thin
and sparce feathers to
stick to your skin as you soared.
I wanted you to succeed my darling;
a mother always wants that.
.
I watched you fall.
Those dove white feathers
came down like a blizzard;
they surrounded me with the
knowledge that you were gone.
I held my breath as you body fell
into the ocean leaving a rippling
across those foreign waves.
.
My dear Icarus,
how I loved you.
You were my boy,
with eyes as blue as the sky
you soared into and hair as
blonde as the beach you left.
But now my dear you are gone,
and all I have left is the white
feathered memories of your legacy.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Omg I love the story of Icarus so much, and this is just brilliant. What you have created is very poetic and skillful. The story of Icarus and Daedalus is probably my favourite greek myth of all. Have you ever heard the song 'Icarus' by Bastille? It's pretty damn awesome :3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FehA9OwZflw
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Hmm...well, after reading through that, I must admit that it was well-crafted. Sadly, most of my suggestions will feel like nitpicks and are probably more strongly related to style than anything.
So the biggest one (least related to style):
I felt like that comma should better have been a period. As is, the reading flow gets tangled up in the third line because you keep going, where the flow seemed to imply a pause or a transition. If you had a period, then it might read a little more smoothly.
The semi-colon felt out of place in this poem. (The same with the semi in the second stanza). I felt like you could have better made that the end of the sentence, and then let the last line stand on its own. It felt like it would have more impact if written that way.
Minor typo
"you" should be "your."
And that's all I have to say! (beyond the obvious Well done!) Keep on writing, and I hope this helps!
BOOM! *appears in a puff of smoke*
Laddy here to review...
Like always, your poetry has wowed me! What I really appreciate about this particular poem is all the motherly love you were able to express in such simple words. Since I'm... well, me, I've always preferred rhymed poetry but yours is some of the only non-rhymed poetry I really love to read. This one is no different. The choice of subject is very creative, so thumbs-up on that!
Just a few suggestions:
-You might want to make the lines longer. As a reader says it aloud or in their mind they put pauses at the end of each line, and having too many pauses interrupts the flow a lot. The poem will still be the same length, and have the same words, only sound nicer.
-Another thing that will improve flow is if you be careful about commas in the beginning of the poem. In the first two stanzas there are some missing that interrupts the flow. I don't have the time or energy to go back and pick them out, but if you read it aloud you'll hear where they should be.
-Also I think in the last line of the second stanza you meant to say "your body". You typed "you body"
Thank you for gracing my eyeballs with yet another masterpiece, and as always, keep writing.
-@ladcat13