Do you remember
June 8th?
The way it snowed
and how the children played in it.
1812 was such a lovely year,
meatloaf had released his new album,
and Cleopatra ruled
the holy roman empire.
That's when it all changed.
The sky fell.
Everything fell.
Into the dirt,
into the ground.
The screams,
the blood,
the children, my god the children.
The explosion killed so many.
Smoke and debris littered
places i can vaguely remember.
It feels familiar but their
scars shroud my judgement.
So when people question
my sanity. My version of events.
They tell me it isn't 1812,
that Cleopatra doesn't reign.
I simply ask them;
Why question my perspective,
when the true reality is so
much harder to believe?
That people are willing to kill
for causes not conceivable.?
Shadows litter my memories.
They augment and manipulate
memories. Life is a bitter pill.
One i refuse to swallow.
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140,164 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
"it isn't 1812 that cleopatra doesn't reign"
that's saying that she does. I think you have your words tied here.
This poem was intereting. It walks a dangerous line because I know that when I Forster stared reading I was a bit put off by these random false facts that had nothing to do with anything. As I read on I got the theme but be wary of your readers. Many do not have the patience to lend their eyes to a full poem.
You have a nice idea at the end which you portray solidly in the final two stanzas. You need to capitalize your I in the last line.
Hello!
I've enjoyed reading this poem of yours! It's brilliant.
This part is my favorite because it caught my attention the most.
'The sky fell.
Everything fell.
Into the dirt,
into the ground.
The screams,
the blood,
the children, my god the children.'
Anyways, This poem is amazing and I hpoe to read more of your work soon!
Xoxooxs,
Love Katy
Hey, HT here to review.
First of all, this in all it's insanity is absolutely brilliant. The narrator questions what reality really is, and explores the harshness of it. Because reality is harsh, and sooner or later we all grow up and realize that fact. We hate it when it happens, but it does happen.
I spotted only two grammar mistakes here.
for causes not conceivable.?
Should be
for causes not conceivable?
And in the last line the 'I' should be capitalized.
That's all I really have to say, except that typically in poetry every first letter in the line is capitalized, and whenever there is a punctuation mark in a line then that is where the line ends. This is more of the authors personal choice then actual an grammar or punctuation issue, but I know that it's something that I look at whenever I review and I thought that I would just mention it, as I always do when I am reviewing. But what this really boils down to is the authors personal style, and whether or not this is a choice for you. If it isn't, that's totally okay.
Absolutely amazing, by the way.
Happy Writing!
HT