Father;
You kissed my grey rotting
flesh and held me in your arms.
Was I beautiful father?
With lips thin which were black like
starved leeches you told
me I would woo all the girls;
why do they flee father?
Bolts in my neck
sent coursing currents,
they surged and blasted
bolts of blinding light
like fireworks on
a autumn afternoon.
Was I handsome father?
My flesh though rotting was fair,
as you said father.
I deserved love
as you said father.
I did not mean to break your neck,
father.
My dear Father,
they call me creation,
they call me legacy,
but why do they call me monster?
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140,164 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Greetings Retrodisc
First of all I love the title! It fits perfectly with the poem!
This piece is very good and I enjoyed reading it. I like the way you fully utilized the free verse poem-style you wrote this poem with. The varying lengths of your lines to build up to the climax.
There is only a few things that troubled me a bit. Because you're use the word "father" as a name throughout this poem, I think you should capitalize the first letter of each, and not just the first and the last fathers in the poem. I would also have capitalized the words "creation", "legacy" and "monster", just to put the emphasis on these three words (Only a suggestion)
And one last, "small" nitpick. I'm not an expert on poems (or for that matter Frankenstein), but I would have phrased the last line like this:
"but why do they call me a Monster?"
The adding of the "a" just creates the image of intelligence, emotion and thoughts. It also reads better (to me, but I may be wrong)
Other than that this is a exceptional piece of work. Therefore I am rating this piece a 7.5 out of ten.
Yours sincerely,
The Wandering Wizard
hellloooo sophiewrites here to review your poem!
I always had a thing for literature related poems so when I saw the title you totally had me-
I really do not knwo how to review a piece like this, it's amazing through and through, nothing to complain at all. So I'll just point out my favourite bits and fandgirl a bit more.
The way you increased on the prounouns and ''fathers'', ''my dear father'' the more intense it became, that build up suspense ina really tragic way, I can almost hear the desperation in his voice. Your use of imagery is amazing, even though you use words like ''rotten'' I imagine Frankenstein's monster in no way brutal or shocking, you portrayed him ina human, hurt and confused way. And I guess that's what the tale is really about in general..
'' they call me legacy,
but why do they call me monster? '' was an amazing ending to a brilliant poem.
keep up the excellent work!