I wrote a poem to commemorate the death of my sister.
I wrote of screeching tires,
Burning red bumpers blown across bypasses.
I wrote of freckles and spring breezes and auburn hair.
.
Click
.
"You should post this with a trigger warning"
Tumblr user, Jane doe, tells me this.
"I am in a dark place and I didn't want to read this"
"Stuff like this is dangerous and you need to be more careful"
My driving instructor told me the same thing.
I wonder if Rachel was careful.
Which gear was the car in, Rachel?
Did you check your mirrors, Rachel?
Were you supposed to give way, Rachel?
Do you remember my last "I love you"?
.
Click
.
My life has no trigger warning.
I searched through burnt memories of things.
I took my past and threw it in the furnace of my memory.
I burnt everything, flames tore into my demons,
Infernos grew out of his favourite books,
Embers sizzled in his tshirt,
Fires gleamed in the way he pushed me and when he...
.
Click
.
"When you're scared and alone just know I'm already home"
Our song comes on shuffle.
But there was no trigger warning.
Jane doe should I write to a great big world?
Do they know how to start their songs?
"Hey Ross, trigger warning for the time he assaulted you"
Their album "is anybody out there?"
Is that a mockery of my cry for help?
The blue colours a collage of my tears?
Where was my trigger warning?
.
Click
.
Life has no trigger warning.
We walk around and bad people do bad things.
The devil walks pedestrian streets,
Wearing a mini skirt or a hype top.
And they are not trigger warnings.
We choke on the words we cannot say.
That we cannot scream.
The Devil's blood never tasted so bitter
as I bite through my lips to stop the tears.
.
Click
.
I'm sorry that I won't give you a trigger warning,
But I'm not the one holding the gun
So, are you going to shoot?
.
Click
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
This is great. I've had a problem with the whole 'triggered' thing for a long time. If you watch/read something you don't like, oh fricking well. It's not porn, I shouldn't have to mark every little thing for over sensitive people.
I love how expressive you are. It seems like this is all things that are going through your mind while you scroll through posts, yet it still has flow. The last lines are my favorite. I understand them as "you're the one who's upset about something you don't have to care about", which is something I deal with a lot.
This poem was really quite good.
I've always liked your poetry, don't get me wrong, but this was above and beyond.
You're amazing.
Amazing as always retro!
Keep up the good work!
Amazing as always retro!
Keep up the good work!
<3
That is all I have to say about this piece.
Hi Retro~
This was pretty cool—and I mean that in the most reverent of ways, as I can assume this subject is deeply personal to you. But it was "cool" because you were able to not only project your feelings through stating a problem with our society, but also make me feel those feelings, which is a mark of a true poet. I commend you for this; you moved something inside of me, and that's what poetry is all about for me.
Your first stanza is perfect. As I read it, I am pulled in, and I want to read more. The second thing that really helped the flow of this poem is the "click"s between each stanza. It emphasizes the irony of the whole idea of the trigger warning. You explain that this notion of a trigger warning is pointless due to the fact that everything triggers a different memory for every mind, and that we're merely too sensitive for our own good. I think this message is strangely ingenious; I would have never thought to portray it in this way. This was a truly great job.
I loved the use of repetition here, however, I'm a little disappointed when you don't continue it to the last line. It loses some of its effect. Adding the last "Rachel", I think, would really hit it home for that stanza.
The lack of punctuation in that first line kind of loses me. Otherwise, I think that the music reference is perfect; in fact, this whole part about the song really touched my heart. On another note, you use capitalization/punctuation in some places, but not others. Poetry, undoubtedly, has no rules, but the inconsistency in some places seems random and insignificant to the message of the poem; instead, it just throws me off. For instance:
You capitalize the name [Ross], but not the band name [A Great Big World], and while you put a comma proceeding Ross, you don't place a comma after "Jane doe". I hate to be nitpicky, but it distracted me the slightest bit from your piece. If you don't want to fix it, then so be it; it's just a little suggestion.
"We walk around"? This fragment not only lacks in quality as it pertains to imagery, but it seems unimportant. Don't waste your breath, you know? Either develop it a bit, or take it out. Otherwise, it feels to your reader like a space filler.
Besides these few little things, the only criticism (if you could call it that) I have is that when I started reading the poem, I read that you were writing the poem to commemorate the death of your sister. As I read on through the second stanza—which was my favorite, by the way—it was about your sister. But then it started being about other things, like the person referred to as "he", presumably an ex-boyfriend or ex-bestfriend. And this was fine; it even helped your work. However, you didn't bring it full circle. By the end, I kind of forgot that the poem pertained to your sister, and you did nothing to remind me. Maybe adding an extra stanza before the last would help? I'm not sure. Just a note.
Your ending was brilliant. I think that overall, this was really a job well-done, and it struck a chord deep inside me. If you ever need any further reviews on your work, than just shout. In the mean time, I'll keep an eye out for future works of yours. Thanks for writing such a deeply moving piece.
You earned a like from me.
Yours,
Savvy
...Wow...
The only corrections I have to make are:
"Burning read bumpers blown across bypasses." Do you mean "red"?
For "Do you remember my last I love you?", I think you should probably put quotations around "I love you."
For "There album "is anybody out there?" ", I think this "there" should actually be "their."
"The Devils blood never tasted so bitter" should have an apostrophe for "Devils."
"But I'm not the one holding the gun?" does not need a question mark.
This was must have been a very hard poem to write. It is heart-wrenching. I wouldn't want any of this to happen to me or the people I care about.
You are a great writer.
I like this a lot.
One little tiny thing:
"Burning read bumpers"
was that supposed to be red?
Or am I reading it wrong somehow?