My life has no trigger warning

Hi Retro~

This was pretty cool—and I mean that in the most reverent of ways, as I can assume this subject is deeply personal to you. But it was "cool" because you were able to not only project your feelings through stating a problem with our society, but also make me feel those feelings, which is a mark of a true poet. I commend you for this; you moved something inside of me, and that's what poetry is all about for me.

Your first stanza is perfect. As I read it, I am pulled in, and I want to read more. The second thing that really helped the flow of this poem is the "click"s between each stanza. It emphasizes the irony of the whole idea of the trigger warning. You explain that this notion of a trigger warning is pointless due to the fact that everything triggers a different memory for every mind, and that we're merely too sensitive for our own good. I think this message is strangely ingenious; I would have never thought to portray it in this way. This was a truly great job.

Which gear was the car in, Rachel?

Did you check your mirrors, Rachel?

Were you supposed to give way, Rachel?

Do you remember my last "I love you"?

I loved the use of repetition here, however, I'm a little disappointed when you don't continue it to the last line. It loses some of its effect. Adding the last "Rachel", I think, would really hit it home for that stanza.

"When you're scared and alone just know I'm already home"

Our song comes on shuffle.

The lack of punctuation in that first line kind of loses me. Otherwise, I think that the music reference is perfect; in fact, this whole part about the song really touched my heart. On another note, you use capitalization/punctuation in some places, but not others. Poetry, undoubtedly, has no rules, but the inconsistency in some places seems random and insignificant to the message of the poem; instead, it just throws me off. For instance:

Jane doe should I write to a great big world?

Do they know how to start their songs?

"Hey Ross, trigger warning for the time he assaulted you"

You capitalize the name [Ross], but not the band name [A Great Big World], and while you put a comma proceeding Ross, you don't place a comma after "Jane doe". I hate to be nitpicky, but it distracted me the slightest bit from your piece. If you don't want to fix it, then so be it; it's just a little suggestion.

We walk around and bad people do bad things.

"We walk around"? This fragment not only lacks in quality as it pertains to imagery, but it seems unimportant. Don't waste your breath, you know? Either develop it a bit, or take it out. Otherwise, it feels to your reader like a space filler.

Besides these few little things, the only criticism (if you could call it that) I have is that when I started reading the poem, I read that you were writing the poem to commemorate the death of your sister. As I read on through the second stanza—which was my favorite, by the way—it was about your sister. But then it started being about other things, like the person referred to as "he", presumably an ex-boyfriend or ex-bestfriend. And this was fine; it even helped your work. However, you didn't bring it full circle. By the end, I kind of forgot that the poem pertained to your sister, and you did nothing to remind me. Maybe adding an extra stanza before the last would help? I'm not sure. Just a note.

Your ending was brilliant. I think that overall, this was really a job well-done, and it struck a chord deep inside me. If you ever need any further reviews on your work, than just shout. In the mean time, I'll keep an eye out for future works of yours. Thanks for writing such a deeply moving piece.

You earned a like from me.

Yours,
Savvy

Young Writers Society

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