Princess killer

I really liked the way this piece began and ended, but I lost interest somewhere in the middle.
It is yet another fantastic concept of yours, so I'll start with my nitpicks and end with my "Omg this poem is amazing".

"Yeah, I tipped of the witch" --> Here I think you meant off* (probably been mentioned already)

"I didn't know what the dippy / old bat was on about. " --> I feel like these 2 lines don't fit with the flow of the rest of the piece. Some re-jigging of the words might make it flow better, but alas, I can offer no suggestions as it seems to be written in a UK style of speech that my Canadian self does not use in everyday conversation xD

"but none the less do-able." --> I also feel like the wording here throws off the flow of your stanza. It's just a bit awkward to my ears when read aloud - that's all.

"So what if I tried to kill the princesses. / So what if I loathe Prince Charming. / So what if I can't stand happy ever after." --> Technically, there should be question marks after these questions, but I really like the use of periods here. I would use your poetic license and keep the periods.

Overall, I LOVE the concept of this piece. It is dark and twisted and speaks to my anti-Disney, anti-mainstream, pretty much anti-happy ending/American Dream/love story side.

Amazing work - you are a talented poet!

I think you're trying to make yourself out to be some kind of Villain which I have to admit I admire. Not everyone can truly stand up and tell someone that their the one who does the wrong doings. And no, you're not wrong to dislike happy ever afters; it's perfectly normal. I think that one day when you find someone who truly get's you and understands you your opinion on happy ever after will change. I really like the fact that you used the villain's form Disney princess movies and added yourself into all of their schemes. I never would have thought of that; it was truly creative of you.

Retro,

Yeah, this is quite frankly, the epitome of awesome, simply put.
It's a quirky twist on humanities view of "happily ever after", which is not a new concept, but this poem makes it come alive again.
My only complaint is that some of the grammatical errors make it a little hard to interpret, but that's an easy thing to fix.
Your cynicality is refreshing, don't lose it.

Keep it up,
QL798

retrodisco666 wrote :I don't care if other people see things wrong in this. I wish I could write that good, because that was amazing. I absolutely love it. I like how you compare fairy tails to life, something we do everyday in our brokenhearted state of mind, but rarely do anything about it except wish it were real. In truth though, it never is that simple. I love how you made the fantasy real.

I don't care if other people see things wrong in this. I wish I could write that good, because that was amazing. I absolutely love it. I like how you compare fairy tails to life, something we do everyday in our brokenhearted state of mind, but rarely do anything about it except wish it were real. In truth though, it never is that simple. I love how you made the fantasy real.

I like this you just need to go over it one more time and edit the simple mistakes! Love the way you make your poems about things that are difffrent

I like this. My main issue with it is that you seem slightly uncertain whether to make the tone playfully sarcastic or actually angry. But I do like it; very original.

Haha I love this! Not as much haha... you undertand.

retrodisco666 wrote:I killed cinderella, Capital C for a name.
shot her twice in the back. One thing that confuses me is that you start off like it's humorous.
Didn't know her,
didn't need to.the sudden emotion change from the second line is confusing, like I said before.
I knew how it would end.
Happy. Ever. After. I like how you put periods. good emphasis.

Yeh, I tipped of the witch, I think you meant 'Yeah' not yeh
gave her the poison myself.
Apple, genius.
She should have died.
True love. HA!
Don't make me life. life? I think you meant life. Other then that, the flow is a bit off here. In the sentence before, it's long sentences. here, it's short.

The rose, now that takes me back.
She wanted to create hope,
I didn't know what the dippy old bat was
on about. <-- too short for the rest of the stanza
I was young, as were my dreams.
Now I know the goal.

The sea witch . . .
oh,yes, I remember.
Tricky one, I admit,
but none the less do-able.
To be honest with you,
I don't know where they all went wrong.

So what if I tried to kill the princesses.
So what if I loathe Prince Charming.
So what if I can't stand happy ever after.
Does that make me less human?
Or just another broken heart in the crowd.