Let me chase my ghosts.
Don't try to hold me back.
Let my memories haunt me
and try to hold me back.
Let the darkness guide me
and be my guiding light.
Let me cry over the photographs
and the letters, my dead wife.
I grow cold in the night,
when I feel her presence near.
I think I hear her whisper
then my car crash heart disappears.
People jumps at ghosts,
whenever the are near.
But the thing about my ghosts is,
that they smooth out all my fear.
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140,164 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hi, I love your poem and it is emotional to me. I want you add feelings and emotion to the character more. Also I want you to add and describe the setting or background to help the reader to vision the poem better. I like the way you organize it into stanzas and rhyming words in each of one of the stanzas. I really love your poem and it is a perfect flow. Keep writing and HAPPY WRITING!!
Hey there!
Good poem
Great topic.
But, then again, there are a few problems here and there
like the repitition of 'back' in the first stanza
What's a car-crash heart?
And there are a few mistakes like 'people jumps' and 'ghosts is'
But overall, I love you imagination and keep it up!!
Okay, I like the poem, but some of the lines are a bit off. I put my corrections in red and comments in purple.
i really liked this. it was kind of confusing, but then again, i didnt really take the time to think about it. haha. i just liked the words and the way things flowed together. you had a really good rhyme scheme. i appreciate that the poem was about ghosts. the poem kept me interested and i didnt get bored.
Hey, retro! I love the story behind this poem, the rhythm and rhyme are very smooth. On to the nitpicks...
My issue with this stanza is that the second and fourth lines are almost identical. Repetition is extremely hard to do well and I don't like it here.
Again, the repetitive use of the word "guide" within two lines bugs me. "Guiding light" is such a cliche phrase, not to mention the title of a soap opera (ick), and even though I like how you're saying the darkness is the narrator's light, I would still think about changing the words. Also, the "my dead wife" feels a bit tacked-on, as though you couldn't find a better place to mention her. It feels forced, I think you can reference her in a little subtler way.
Great stanza. "Car crash heart" is a fascinating phrase, and I understand why you chose it, but it's not a very concrete image. Be more specific when describing the damaged condition of the narrator's heart. Give me an image I can sink my mental teeth in.
I believe the "that" in the last line is unnecessary. Otherwise, nice way to end it. A neutral tone is maintained throughout, as said before, but the poem ends on a slightly eerie note. Overall, a very good piece. Keep writing!
Hey Retro,
I like this, the characters voice is very strong. There are a few grammar and punctuation mistakes. The rhythm is good and is consistent through the entire poem.
Keep Writing.
Anger
Nicely written, but read the third last line. If I'm right there is a typing error.
The message is really great. Isaac is right that the tone is neutral, as opposed to how emotional it could be, but I think it works. It's like this guy has found peace in the death of his wife, and he sort of uses the memories as an anchor and savors them, and the poem is basically him saying to the world "I know what I'm doing, everything is under control, I'm fine, let me grieve in my own way, now leave me be."
Good work.
So, I'm not yet sure what I think. It'll probably become clear as I write this review
Firstly, I can't quite tell if you want to make it creepy, or if you want to make it sad but soothing. If that were more clear, then I might have more advice on how to change things up a bit. But right now it seems...well written, but more neutral than I think you want it to be. The second and fourth lines of stanza one also bother me a little bit, they just seem too similar.
However, I do like the flow of it, and I think you have something good here. It just needs some tweaking. Keep it up, and if you have any questions just PM me.
-Isaac