Young Writers Society

At first it make it sound like its a rant to try and get over a thunderstorm while it was happening, but you threw a curve when comparing the sound of thunder to people using the word "gay". It made a difference when comparing hurtful words to something that comes from a huge electric force that kills on contact and without fail will make contact. whether it wants to or not. almost like its laughing at the grounds existence and forcing its will upon it and misshaping it and causing fire that devastate the land.

I have many lesbian and by friends and i would love to show them this poem.
thanks for using your thunder to show your feelings..

well done.
keep it up and never let anything get you down.

Hello!

I LOVE this poem! The parallel structure between the roar and tear of the thunder and the destruction of the slur "gay" is phenonminal. First reading this poem I was surprised by the dark undertone you have thunder since I have always viewed it as a gentle giant, but then I saw your comparison and your last few lines and I has all made sense! Truly a work of art.

I only saw one tiny mistake, and it's a simple improper "it's" in the fourth line:
"It strikes fear with it's scream"
Should be
"It strikes fear with its scream"
If you'd like to change that

Again, AMAZING poem!! There's so much meaning and impact in such a small select of words. This has to be one of the greatest poems I have read!

Keep up the fantastic work!

- verymaryanna

Hi retro, Messenger is back to read another one of your poems. Happy Review Day too!!!

When are you going to get published! you got de skillz XDD But in all seriousness I find your writing SO SO leafless. Your description is oh-so-perfect in my opinion I loved the line about ripping the fabric. And the idea of lightning and thunder hurting or not hurting.

I totally agree with yelling at the game console. I hear people say "oh this gay, oh that is gay" and it's never made any sense. I think it is somewhat rude and offensive. Would someone like you to say "oh that is so straight!" It doesn't make sense!!!!!!!!

so yeah, I really like jut about everything about this poem. You already know my stance on gay/or not gay so I won't go into that, but you really do have some amazing poetry skills! you should go far in the World of Poets.

Oh, and nice end line :p

~Messenger

Hey, I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. A real work of art that contained an immense amount of symbolism to convey something mesmerising. I particularly loved how you discussed the word gay, downplaying (for our benefit) the effect it has on them so they don't have to be so ashamed about that label. Your piece was a clear and concise work that represented the open-mind that we should all possess.

My favourite line in the piece was; Gay is just a word,

just a sound soaring

across the atmosphere

into my eardrums,

Just original and fricken amazing.

Legy

This. Is. Awesome!

Hi this is Em101cats with a review for you. A positive one.

Mistakes: I only saw one. In the part where you say 'It strikes fear with it's scream,' you should have said 'its' instead of 'it's.' I know it is a nitpick that is tiny, but this kind of thing means a lot in writing. You said 'it is scream,' for you used the wrong its.


Non-errors: I love the meaning of this and how you compare thunder to the offensive word 'gay.' It emphasizes how much you are offended by people saying 'gay.' It's really offensive, even though I have nothing to do with the subject. I'm WAY too young
But I do love the meaning of all of this and all in all you did a GREAT JOB! I have read a lot of things you have done and I must say all of them are absolutely fantastic, just like this one! Great work, keep up your good thinking and writing!
~Em101cats~

One word; Wow. I've seen your name around YWS a lot, and now I understand why. I have absolutely no negative comments about this what-so-ever. One of my favorite things about this poem is how it switches from topic to topic, while not really switching topic at all. That is a skill I have yet to learn, and am envious of your talent for. As well, I love how the last paragraph struck me right in the heart, no pun intended. It gave a real emotional feel that poetry is supposed to be about. Back to the switching topics point, the way you took a concept that some might not understand, the thunder, and relate it back to something people will understand, the word "gay" being used as an insult, was really astounding. Your word choice was beautiful, and I had the mental picture of your poem in my mind. There is a lot more that I could say about this, but I don't want to bore you by rambling on and on about things you already know. All in all, this is probably my favorite poem of all those I've read on here, and I am extremely eager to read the rest of your work. Do not stop writing, for you were born with a magnificent gift.