You used to give me the softest kisses.
Like pillows stuffed
with candyfloss gliding
across my lips.
That rush like adrenaline
coursing through my veins,
being pumped into me by
those lips.
.
When did your lips become cracked?
Shattered like the rose tinted glass.
Broken into a million pieces,
barb wire pressing into
my lips causing pain
and blood and leaving
me scarred and broken.
.
Your lips belonged to me.
Like an artist sculpting
their Venus Di Milo ,
your lips were my muse.
I stared and knew every contour,
that fine ridge,
those faint freckles
frittered across those lips.
They used to be a map I could
follow with such ease;
now it is uncharted territory.
.
I know what happened to your lips.
They were tainted by him.
He kissed you and pumped
his venom into you.
Swimming through you is the poison
which turned you against me.
That turned you into that fiend.
Your lips were once dreams,
now nightmares of
betrayal, deceit and lust.
And you just smile.
.
You smile when denying it.
You show me your teeth
like a shark, me being a
foolish prey that you would
just pick off.
You tell me I am corrupted,
poisoned,
un-trusting.
You go to kiss me.
And I break those lips.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Hi Retro, it's me again! I have too say that even before I read this, I'm looking forward to it The title gives just enough info to make me want to read it, so props to you for that! So, shall we read?
Gaah, so much amazing detail! And adding the word "candy" makes me think of sweet, which goes with the idea of a kiss. I don't know if that international or not, but it worked either way.
Should "rush" be rushed, seeing as this was in the past?
OK so I finished, and if you asked me to give you my favorite part, I'd copy+paste the entire poem. You have this way with metaphors and detail, and description. It is so beautiful. You definitely have some true talent. I don't see a lot of poems with this much depth to them. This is something that I think people will/can relate to.
So yes, I basically can't say anything negative about it. I loved it. You write romantic poems that I actually enjoy (I'm no romance fan) so you must be doing something right! Really good job overall, I'm going to give you a like!
Hi! Here to do a review! Or try xD:
Ok. Let's start with an over view of the entire poem. I thought you did a great job on the poem. I liked the description you used and the emotions you put into them. The poem flowed for the most part, but there were quite a few grammatical errors I noticed, which can also hinder your poem if you're not careful.
I liked this line in the first stanza because it reminded of that feeling you get when you kiss someone for the first.
I liked this part, but i'm pointing it out because it's a run-on sentence. Since i'm always honest, I pretty good with grammar myself, but I've never been able to correct another person's grammar very well. Also, another way to go about this sentence could be:
But that's just a suggestion.
I liked the imagery I got from this sentence. I also happen to like freckles xD
This was the sentence I liked from this stanza. When I read this sentence, I see it as the turning point where light turns to dark.
When I read this, I think you're saying he ruined you, but I could be wrong ^^
When I read this the first time, it threw me for a loop, xD but now that I go back and read it, I got the meaning a bit better; When you said that, did you mean that you literally broke them?
Over all, the poem was very nicely done, but the only thing I believe you need to work on is punctuation and Grammar. Keep writing though!! I enjoyed this poem, and I hope this helped!!
Wow, powerful writing! The emotions in your poem are so real and raw! I felt terrible for the narrator. I like how you tied everything in with the lips as a recurring theme. This poem speaks so truly about betrayal, it's amazing. You should definitely keep writing poetry. Nicely done!
Hmmmmmm, very poetic. But I guess that is the idea. I like the description in this piece, it flowed quite nicely most of the time, however, there were grammatical and punctuation errors. But I trust you'll pick up on those when you read this over again.
My favourite line; "your lips were my muse.
I stared and knew every contour,
that fine ridge,
those faint freckles
frittered across those lips."
This was mighty detailed, and eloquent. You have a very romantic way of expressing yourself, that's unique. Some of the greatest writers are like that, like Shakespeare hehe. But this is better than Shakespeare, less gooey.