You were an artist,
Tall handsome and beautiful.
Your fingers blended colours across arrays of canvas.
They left me breathless.
When they left trails of grey across my skin
I felt like a part of you.
An addition to your repertoire,
something worth having for once.
You painted a portrait of me;
the long curling red waves of my hair,
pooling in my collarbones like molten lava.
You captured my eyes.
My sunburst brown iris,
you said they were the reason artists had to exist.
You said I was perfect.
you stroked dialated chemicals across paper
as a memento of my beauty;
a triumph to the fact I was yours
and you had the power to capture me in my purest form.
When it was finished,
you slashed at it with a kitchen knife.
You tore away at my beauty.
Each slash destroyed my weakening soul
When you finished you said it was worth something.
This is modern art.
A train wreck on canvas,
hung against white backdropped museums for all to see.
To show me broken.
You said you loved me broken.
But with every 'I love you' I was healing,
I believed you more and more.
I was a child heading for Neverland,
I was going to live and not exist.
I'd be a Queen not a pawn in someone's chess game,
you moved your fingers across my ivory crown;
you made understand what real love was.
You made me whole again,
but you loved me broken.
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140,685 Literary Works • 673,594 Reviews
Oh my God, what a piece of work! Congratulations for making it to the spotlight!
Obviously this was wonderful. Emotion was conveyed perfectly in the poem, everything so well explained, words so perfectly used. The imagery was powerful and professional, like how she described the artist paint her on the canvas.
" the long curling red waves of my hair,
pooling in my collarbones like molten lava.
You captured my eyes.
My sunburst brown iris,"
Just, bravo! A beautiful way to express things.
Also, here's an example of how I think your work is emotional. This also includes my favourite lines of the poetry:
" You said I was perfect.
you stroked dialated chemicals across paper
as a memento of my beauty;
a triumph to the fact I was yours
and you had the power to capture me in my purest form."
My heart fluttered at those lines. The sincerity was powerful, and the romance was perfect.
By the way, I love how it ended. It was so emotional and left a lasting impact.
I basically saw nothing wrong with the work. It's wonderful and deserves to be in the spotlight! Sorry this couldn't be much of a helpful review! xD
~Brunnera
This is OUTSTANDING! I loved it. <3 It's beautiful.
This was superb! I could really identify with this because I'm an artist who specializes in realism and impressionistic work and does not understand this 'abstract' art. You painted a picture in my head with words; and boy did I ever love your choice in words! "My sunburst brown iris," "you stroked dialated chemicals across paper"<---that one has got to be my favorite line! I like how you gave the poem a double meaning. At first glance this poem appears to be about an artist painting a portrait of a beloved other. At first he makes her look and feel beautiful. But then he destroys his artwork and calls it abstract. Reading this through a second time reveals a deeper concept: a man and a woman in love. The man tells the woman she is beautiful and then breaks her heart (the canvas). Bravo with this. There was only one little thing I noticed: "you made understand what real love was." I think you may have left out the word 'me' after 'made.' I really enjoyed this and will continue to read your works.
This is really great. At first, I thought the title sort of meant that you loved me until I was broken, but I'm really glad that it isn't that way. I love that these two people can just love each other for who they are, perfectly broken. And that's just beautiful. All I saw we just a few grammatical errors which I'm sure you just ran over. Such as:
"You said I was perfect.
you stroked dialated chemicals across paper
as a memento of my beauty;"
Capitalized the 'you' after 'perfect'.
"I'd be a Queen not a pawn in someone's chess game,
you moved your fingers across my ivory crown;
you made understand what real love was."
Technically, the 'queen' shouldn't be capitalized because its not a specific queen. And I think you meant to say "you made me understand..." in the last line.
Great job with this poem though. I absolutely loved the imagery and the message it sent. I was pleasantly unexpected.
Keep expressing.
-Percybeth
Hello ^^ Alvarin here for a quick review.
It gives a really good and vivid description of the narrator, without seeming like you're going out of your way to be poetic. It's just perfect, and there are many more examples of it in the poem.First of all I have to say that I love the imagery.
I usually prefer poems that tell a story, and this one really did. It made me think of stories I've read and stories I've been wanting to write, and I found the whole concept of only loving something when it's broken very relatable to one of my characters. It left me inspired to write ^^
It flows well, the punctuation is near-perfect, it triggers my imagination.. The only bad thing is that I can't really find something to complain about or some advice to give you - except for these tiny nitpicks: The T in Tall probably shouldn't be capitalized. You're missing a dot here at the end.
Anyway, I really liked it. More like this one, please :3
I really liked that. You can take it literally -as a women who was painted by her artist lover- or make it abstract. In a way, it's like a painting itself. My main issue was that you weren't consistent in capitalizing the first letter in each line. Other than that... ^-^
(I'd like to apologize, this was hardly a review)