gives me the sheer joy of reading good poetry after so long!as i too am something of an introvert,i can identify with the character.
z
I am not an alcoholic.
People tell me I have a problem
Because I kiss Gordon and Jack hard on their cold hard lips.
The ice breaks my teeth
And causes me to slur my words when I speak to people;
Like a thug in a bar fights and pink scars on his neck
I am a victim of their kisses.
I am not an alcoholic.
.
People say introvert like a swear word.
They say it like I should be on my knees begging someone
For forgiveness, for confidence, for the ability to use my voice.
I do not hate people.
But I do not like people.
I am the quiet one,
I lock myself up with a good book rather than
Traverse the sticky floors of a club at 2 a.m.
I am not one to be the life of the party,
I sit in the corner and watch with my lemonade.
I am a hufflepuff in the slytherin common room;
Quiet and pensive but as long as no-one sees me I am fine.
I am not an alcoholic.
But when the bottle is empty,
My throat is full.
It burns with the words I can say.
I can be the life of the party,
I can talk to people.
My fear that they judge me and will hurt me
Vanishes with the empty glass I put down.
My book corner is folded over as I actually talk to friends,
Because my stomach is swilling with distilled spirits
And I am confident.
They say you cannot buy confidence,
But a bottle of wine is only four pounds so it’s the same thing.
.
You ask me if I have a problem.
You ask me if I am an alcoholic.
How do I tell you that I don’t
That this is the only way I get a voice.
That this is the only way I can tell you I love you.
gives me the sheer joy of reading good poetry after so long!as i too am something of an introvert,i can identify with the character.
As an introvert (though not an alcoholic), this resonated with me. Have a virtual hug
When I read this, I though of a game I play called ROBLOX. On there, there is a game called The Mad Murderer. Two of the characters are named Gordon and Jack. (I know you're talking about beer and stuff but still ) Gordon is like some robot, and Jack has no shirt, an afro, and a hairy chest XD I would review this for real, but everyone got all the nitpicks already. Meh, now you know about hairy-chested Jack XD
I...I have no words... -likes, checks to make sure I'm following you- You're amazing. -slowly claps-
Hey there! So first things first, I really really enjoyed this poem. I love the comparisons you make. They are simply breathtaking. Okay, now that I've said that, I can move on to the review-y things.
Review-y Things
Because I kiss Gordon and Jack hard on their cold hard lips.
And causes me to slur my words when I speak to people;
Like a thug in a bar fights and pink scars on his neck
I am not one to be the life of the party,
I am a hufflepuff in the slytherin common room;
Quiet and pensive but as long as no-one sees me I am fine.
Quiet and pensive but as long as no-one sees me I am fine.
I am not an alcoholic.
My fear that they judge me and will hurt me
How do I tell you that I don’t
Like a thug in a bar fights and pink scars on his neck
I am a victim of their kisses.
People say introvert like a swear word.
They say it like I should be on my knees begging someone
For forgiveness, for confidence, for the ability to use my voice.
But when the bottle is empty,
My throat is full.
They say you cannot buy confidence,
But a bottle of wine is only four pounds so it’s the same thing.
Hello, retro!
I really like what you're saying. I also have experienced this. I do not know if I am an introvert, but I do have social anxiety, and I have self medicated with alcohol in the past.
That being said, there are a few things I think can be improved.
I'm not a fan of how specific you get here. I don't know why, but perhaps you should make it a little more general. I'm sure Gordon and Jack are not the only people you've kissed at a party.Because I kiss Gordon and Jack hard on their cold hard lips.
These lines feel a little clunky. Try this: "The ice breaks my teeth,The ice breaks my teeth
And causes me to slur my words when I speak to people;
Uh, I am not sure what you are trying to say here. Is "scars" the verb for the second clause?Like a thug in a bar fights and pink scars on his neck
I LOVE THIS LINE.People say introvert like a swear word.
This makes it feel like the narrator is a little stuck up. I get the feeling that they're proud that they're the quiet ONE, you know? I would like to see it more simply put as "I am quiet."I am the quiet one,
I am not one to be the life of the party,
I sit in the corner and watch with my lemonade.
I am a hufflepuff in the slytherin common room;
Quiet and pensive but as long as no-one sees me I am fine.
I think you should clarify whether this bottle is physical or metaphorical. Perhaps say "wine" in front of it so people aren't like, "what does the bottle represent?"But when the bottle is empty,
This line is a little clunky, too. I would bring it into a more active voice. Perhaps say "I fold over my book corner as I talk with friends."My book corner is folded over as I actually talk to friends,
I don't see how the weight of a wine bottle has anything to do with confidence. Perhaps expand on this a little, as there seems to be a track of logic I'm not finding.But a bottle of wine is only four pounds so it’s the same thing.
It is all very good but the line where Harry Potter comes in throws off the vibe. Im a fan too but for this writing a different analogy is needed since you dont use any other references to the Potter books before or after that. If you want to keep the line use Butterbeer instead of Gordon or JackXD
The last line is a nice twist to explain why the narrator makes his/ her argument for not being a drunk.
My favorite line is "They say you cannot buy confidence, But a bottle of wine is only four pounds so its the same."
Points: 299
Reviews: 10
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