The light falls and
casts elongated shadows
across this wooden floor.
It is our time.
The band starts playing
my favourite song.
'Suprise' you whisper.
And my heart fills with joy.
This is the reason I
married you today.
.
I move out onto the floor.
My black shoes tapping to the
beat of the song.
I place my hand on your waist.
I look at you
and you're smiling.
It is the same smile that I
fell in love with six years ago;
but it feels like every other
aspect of you has changed.
You've become so perfect,
or I've fallen in love with the flaws.
.
'I love you so much Adam.'
You hold me closer at that.
The group watching this moment
gasps audibly, that aww
encapsulating us both together
in this perfect embrase.
'I love you too Harry.'
.
We dance, the black of our
suits make us look as one.
My head barely reaches your
button hole but the flower
there smells divine.
We hold each other
as one,
like we were supposed to be.
.
'Our first date you ripped out
the last page of the book I was reading.
I had never been so infuriated with
someone in my entire life.
You told me you would give it me back
on our wedding day...', I feel your fingers on mine
and you slide my hand into my pocket.
I can feel the paper.
.
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140,164 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
OH MH GODS I LOVE THIS WAY TOO MUCH! I was thinking that it was just such a cute poem and then I literally gasped at "I love you too Harry". This is really amazing. Ohmygosh I love the ending too its so sweet it's like the perfect love story everyone has ever wanted and you made it universal. Thank you so much for this. So many emotions flowed thorough me, I wanted to cry, laugh, but mostly just be at that wedding and see it with my own eyes.
Fan-tabulous job,
-Percybeth
This is really nice. Love it.
Hello! Let's review!
First of all: AWWWWW! How sweet! A nice surprise ending wrapped up in a cute poem. It's very adorable.
Nitpicks:
- A few little grammar things here and there; probably just little typos.
- You have a few too many commas, which pause and break your flow a bit too much throughout the poem.
- For me, I don't like the dialogue in the poem (there's too much). It makes the reader feel like he/she is reading prose, which, with the romantic content of your poem, it's obviously not. It's fine with your first introduction of dialogue, but I feel with the inclusion of the names excludes the readers. I see your point of including the names, but the point of your poem is just a few lines later. You should include one or the other, but since the "black of our suits make us look as one" is so much more descriptive, I feel the names should be omitted. It gives off that subtle undertone of the couple that matches the rest of the smooth, romantic poem. The long piece of dialogue is too much for the poem, and, in my opinion, should be changed to something more like a flashback. Play around with it if you so choose
- In line 27, "encapsulates" should be changed to "encapsulating" just to make more sense.
- Maybe it's just me (because I'm not really a romanticist and haven't been to a wedding since I was very young :3) but the lines "My hand barely reaches your/ button hole but the flower/ smells divine" don't really make sense to me (also the line breaking is a bit off here too).
But as a whole, I enjoyed this poem. It's sweet, simple, and progressive. I really hope I get to see more of your work on here soon! Happy writing!
- verymaryanna
Sorry! Didn't mean for this to be blank! Review ahead