Young Writers Society

Beautiful <3

Hey retrodisco666,

I really enjoyed this poem, it was touchy and there wasn't too much emotion included which I felt made the poem more strong as it wasn't needed. I think the first two stanzas stood out the most, mainly because of your choice of adjectives, making it where you can visualise what you wrote.

I have no critics of this poem, great work keep it up!

Retrodisco, I didn't know what to expect when I read this or that it would be about someone you lost, but I've read it multiple times now The emotions in the piece are so clear and I love the imagery you create. My favorite part is the beginning, which is interesting because it doesn't quite match the rhyme scheme of the rest of the poem (not that that is a bad thing), because I love the thought of angels sprinkling the grass with dew.

My only criticism would be the repetition of the word "last" in the second stanza. Using the same word as a rhyme really takes away from the piece, and this can be a problem when it comes to writing poetry with a rhyme scheme; it's definitely easy to do when you can't think of a rhyme that flows.

Anyway, I can't wait to read more poetry from you, please keep writing it

-Elizabeth

Oh. My. Gosh. I'm a very nit-picky person, and I can find tiny little things wrong in almost everything I read. But this-this is FLAWLESS. The way the words flow, and the syllable lining matches up. And let me tell you, something like this is really hard to find. REALLY hard to find. This is astounding, and if you ask me, some of the best poets and writers in the world are on YWS. I cannot possibly WAIT for another piece like this from you. You better keep it up, or you'll be getting some nasty fan letters




~Star

I know exactly where your coming from Retro. Anyway, to the matter at hand, the poem coveys the point really well, the emotions were shown in the piece really well and I think that your word word choice is excellent. One little nitpick, however, the "I" is constant, you let it slip sometimes, but other than that it's really good!

Hi There!~

This was such a touching and sad story, but it was good. The emotion was strong, and I like how you twisted it at the end to be something to relate to.

One thing I would point out, though, in your rhyming scheme, is that sometimes the rhymes aren't rhymes, only repetition. This would be fine, but it would be better if it were continued for the whole thing. Sometimes you had a scheme of ABCB, but other times the last words of the 2nd and last lines were just repeated.

It was still really good, though. If you have any questions about anything I've said, feel free to PM me.~

You have a very interesting point and you conversed it well in this short poem. I really love how you didn't just write about angels crying but you made relative to you. It is also a very original poem. Usually in poetry there is a cliche here and there but I was unable to find any in this piece. Bravo!! It also captured a distinctive imagery and it was almost like I, the reader, was there seeing the dew on the ground and watching the flowers grow. It is extremely difficult to create depth like that in such a short piece of work. I also love the thought that maybe even in heaven there are things that break hearts. It's almost ironic. My only critique would be in this line, 'The tears fall slowly', I would change to, 'their tears fall slowly'. I think it would provide more clarity and make the poetry flow well. That was the only situation were I was a little confused. Some people may critique you for the length of the piece but I think that it really is the perfect length. You were able to convey the perfect amount of thought, perception, depth, imagery, that I think if you made it longer some of the unique character and originality would be lost. So with that I will say please continue writing! I'm anxious to read more!!