Young Writers Society

Wow.... this almost made me cry! this was so awesome I cant stand it. the title is a little.... odd, but its what you wanted it to be so I'm just going to live with it. I didn't notice any grammer or spelling errors. I thought it had a lot of detail in it. I also loved how you added 'and I preyed to God'. its hard to find someone out there who will even mention God in their stories. Over all, I really liked this poem!!!!! Great job!!!

This really came on strong. The emotions of the mother, her loath and despise for her baby felt very compelling, to me. The way you worded things and made it seem realistic proved to be worth it.

My concern revolves around the divisions in the poem. For the most part, there were no problems associated the divisions in stanzas and whatnot, however, the speaker changed abruptly in the beginning. It took me a moment to realize the change in perspective. Perhaps try easing the change in a little more slowly rather than transition right away.

I liked the way the poem progressed, though.

This is very powerful and carries a bold, emotive message. In a way there is mourning behind this poem, and is very easy to relate to.

It is great how you have used the continuous metaphor of the girl being a devil or monster or other inhumane thing. It creates a more affective image/description of the girl.

The last two lines nearly killed me, and reading them felt like a punch in the heart. Once again I love the descriptions you used, and more than anything the deep emotions that come from reading the poem. I found it very ingenious the way you have laced feeling into every line.

A very excellent poem! Well done

Hello!
I loved how the speaker changed after the second verse. I haven't read a poem with so much hatred in quite some time. I liked how you mentioned that the floors were linoleum, it gives the reader some perspective on the living circumstances, as it is usually titled a cheap material. I also enjoyed the metaphor of birth being a nightmare. We praise birth and deem it a thing of joy and beauty so often, and it's nice to here a different take on child birth.
I found that the 4th line could have been rephrased, although I do like how the speaker referred to the child as, "it" I think there may be some other way to put it.
Obviously, poetry is meant to create an image and perhaps even a motion with little words, which I think you were able to capture perfectly!
I will be reading more of your work, and I think you did a fantastic job!

Hey retrodisco! Alex here to review your poem!
I really enjoyed this poem! My favourite bit and also the most powerful was the last stanza. I loved how her only advice to her daughter was to not hate her child as she had done with her own. It really brought it to quite a dramatic close.
You used some really powerful imagery in here. Phrases such as: "pale porcelain skin." and "My own precious little devil

loathed my very presence and me,
"
These two lines in particular left a lasting effect and a great picture in my head.
I couldn't find much to improve. You have obviously had proof read it and have had experience in writing for a while. All I could find which could be better was:

loathed my very presence and me,

and I was glad of it.

loathed my very presence,

and I was glad of it.