Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
When Jack was 9,
He didn’t like football, nor rugby, nor hockey or to swim.
He didn’t like to run and play and push and shove like the other boys.
Jack did not want to watch cars, or truck, or motorbikes drive in never-ending circles.
Jack did not want to get mucky in the dirt despite his parents insisting that it was the normal thing to do.
When jack was 13,
He still didn’t like football, nor rugby, nor hockey or to swim, even though his masochist of a teacher swore it would make him a man.
He did not want to run and push and shove and smoke like the other boys.
Jack did not want to watch girls posing on cars, or trucks, or motorbikes.
Jack eventually got mucky in the dirt despite his parents insisting if he stuck up for himself they would not do it again.
When jack was 15,
He still didn’t like football, not rugby, nor hockey or to swim, though had found solitude in art.
He did not want to smoke or kiss or fuck like the other boys did.
Jack did not watch girls, or cars, or trucks, or motorbikes.
Jack no longer got mucky because he stopped going outside despite his parents insisting it would be bad for his health.
When jack was 16,
He didn’t have to do sports anymore, even though his father gave him a wary look when he said he wanted to do art.
He did not want to smoke or kiss or fuck and fuck and fuck like the other boys did.
Jack did not watch girls on cars, or trucks, or motorbikes, instead he watched men.
Jack no longer got mucky and his parents stopped insisting anything.
When jack was 17,
His father still gave him a wary look when he started putting lip gloss on his lips,
He did not want to smoke like the other boys but he wanted to kiss and fuck and fuck them.
Jack watched girls on runways and grew jealous of their clothes,
Jack no longer dressed like a boy, despite his parents threats.
When Jackie was 18,
She took her life.
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140,164 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hi there, person! I'm going to be brutally honest in this review - don't take anything personally.
Nitpicks - don't forget to capitalize "Jack", and you're missing a few apostrophes here and there. Basic grammar.
When I started reading this, I thought "oh, another poem about being different". I had to read through about twice before I got the full concept of it, but I think it's a very unique take on how transgender people might feel. That being said -
I found it to be rather stereotyped. Plenty of "girly" girls love sports, for example, and many of my artsy friends are rowdy and boyish. A love of clothes is not limited to girls; neither is lip gloss.
The whole poem just seems devoid of, well, reality...? Emotion? Even when I read the last line (which shocked me) I, strangely, couldn't feel the pain associated with it. You could put so much more "humanity" into this - talk to a transgender person who you know, or maybe look up a video or blog about how their lives go by - the prejudices and pains they have to get through. Make this poem more than a list of words.
I was also confused about the meaning of "get mucky", like Purple...could you elaborate on it in your poem?
And I feel like your use of "kiss" and "f***" (I'm not allowed to use that word) just doesn't suit this at all - it makes it seem so shallow in comparison to the overall idea you seem to be conveying. I don't know if that makes sense, but ... this topic has more depth to it, you know? I don't agree with your use of "smoke" either - it makes it seem as though smoking is the normal thing to do (which it isn't).
This has a lot of potential...put more depth and understanding into this poem, and it may turn into something life-changing.
Keep writing.
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started..
This is a strange take on transgender people, which is actually very unclear until the last few lines. Most transgenders have a slight suspicion or some thought that they aren't in the right body, and if that was one of the point of this poem I would have lots more of those thoughts lingering throughout not just that Jack is different than the other boys. It starts off talking about how he is basically not a normal boy, but doesn't give any hint to his gender identity until the end. This wouldn't even be called a poem, in my opinion, it's more of a short story. And transgenders don't just dress differently, but I'm sure you know that. Also, what exactly does "got mucky" mean??? Like play in the dirt outside? Maybe this is slang for something because that seemed unclear to me. I hope this was helpful!
~Purple