Skies bled into streaks of crimson.
Their reflections on Thai waves;
I knew your face.
Continents warped under my feet.
Map lines swam through my fingers
as I dredged through Amazonian rivers;
crawled across the backs of stone giants;
dived into shipwrecked memorials to find treasures -
close enough to your beauty.
Dry leaves blew down open highways.
Tumbleweed promises blew like words from dry and baren lips;
blew across the deserts I trekked through.
Monuments littered across the world's face like make up;
Covering up perfection with an incorrect concept of it.
I saw them all.
I saw nothing.
My wanderlust took me everywhere,
away from you I tried to find myself.
Tibetan monks prayed for me;
The Sorbonne showed me enlightenment;
New Dehli left me as lonely as The Outback did;
I was still lost.
Just trying to remember your face.
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140,164 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hello.
You keep doing this. I am finding it harder and harder to nitpick with your writing. So instead, I am just going to say what I liked AND learnt from this poem:
1. What the Sorbonne was
2. How geography can represent a metaphysical and emotional journey
3. the meaning of wanderlust
4. emotional experience of the unnamed being lost and lonely
5. bleakness in writing.
You manage to elicit great emotional connections between your work and the reader because you write very personally.
I mean it's not perfect, when reading the quoted lines for example, I felt that everything was a bit disjointed and didn't sink in very well, but again - these are just nitpicks.
Keep writing.
its learned not learnt. (sorry I paid too much attention in language) XD
I thought it was wrong. XD But why didn't YWS correct my spelling? O.O
....As usual I am speechless after I read your pieces
The imagery and emotions in this are so sincere and very vivid. Are the semi colons necessary? I don't know, I just think you could change them to commas for more of a flow. When I see the semi colons I felt like it didn't help the flow of the poem. I understand the punctuation is correct, but punctuation doesn't always have to be correct in poetry
But that's only me don't change them if you want them there. If you want you could just take out some of the periods and add a period at the end of each stanza for a full stop.
But the words you use....the words you use...you really have a knack for your word choice in all of your pieces. I appreciate every single line in this poem, and I commend you for the description!
Please keep writing and if you could ever review my poetry, that would be extremely helpful. Keep writing!