87% of people
say they feel their phones vibrate
even when they haven't.
Like little wind up cars we
lunged out hands to our stuffed denim
pockets to reveal, nothing.
.
Phantom vibrations ring
out in my pocket daily.
I desire, I plea that your
smug little name would flash
up on my screen like
a bilboard and I would smile.
But no, like our relationship,
all I feel is anticipation for
something that I know won't come.
.
It puts me on edge.
Ever false vibration
makes my face flush.
Makes a stone hit
and reverberate off the walls
of my hollowed out heart.
Each chamber aloft with
this faux noise which I know
cannot belong to you.
.
It has been three months since you died.
I miss the way my
phone used to vibrate.
How I used to look down and
see words from 'How do cows sleep?'
to 'I love you baby.'
Now all I have is this anticipation,
this impossibility.
The only thing left is the memory
and these phantom vibrations in my pocket.
.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,178 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
So first off, you have been saying your readers might like this.
*although is very jealous of what you do with your work..*
And now that I have read it... I can see why.
Then again, this is the same caliber of all your other works, so = amazing. I honestly don't know how you do it:
1. Takes a serious issue
2. Writes something profoundly honest about
3. Enchants the hearts and minds of the readers. (everytime)
And that's what you do. Now, I shall stop kissing bottom
This piece, covers all the main kinds of things we people think about in terms of contact through these "vibrations" and is a very accurate comment on a modern, societal phenomenon.
My favourite part was this:
'I desire, I plea that your
smug little name would flash
up on my screen like' I like this part especially because it's open to interpretation. The use of the word smug, could indicate that this is the person themselves, or it is the narrator: who would be smug if this person contacted them. #lovemultipleinterpretations
As always, great job, well done
Very powerful stuff!
I absolutely love how you use phones to describe a relationship, it touched me since I use my phone quite a lot.
Keep up the good work
Wow. The impact of the last stanza was so very quick and hard-hitting. I didn't expect it at all. It's so very sad in all the best ways. It seems my words have failed me. I might come back later with a proper review. Awesome job, retro
This is so powerful, I'm not sure I know how to review it. You invoke emotion so subtly and effectively. In the beginning it seemed like maybe the speaker was waiting for a text from a crush or something of the sort and then it gets deep all the sudden and it creates a great effect. The wording and pacing is just right, maybe even perfect. This poem is very original and will probably stay with me for a long time, and that's a rare thing for me. Beautiful work.
Oh. My. Lord.
I was just moseying along poetry lane until your last stanza hit me hard. Like a veritable, five-pound brick. I had suspected that the speaker had just gone through a bad breakup, but when the first line appeared I had to stop for a moment. It put a melancholy tone to the poem and I like that. I have to feel something when I read and the emotion was clear as I perused through your poem.
There is a slight typo, but it's quite insignificant. Just check over your work (I did the same thing).
Overall, I loved your writing style and the descriptive ways you described loneliness and longing without saying it directly.