Wounded hearts shatter at the thought of love
those fragile organs doth shiver and quake.
They pray to those more powerful above
in hope those leaky chambers would not break.
They long to find those healers who can help
with ointment, potion or magician's trick.
Those who hold them late on a winter's eve,
until smoke appears on the candle's wick.
They aspire to love on a distant day,
love someone with who they can fully trust.
A passionate lover with whom to lay
and to consume their nights with bouts of lust .
But, alas, it shall not happen at all,
because to love one, means surely to fall.
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Hi!
I think you wrote an amazing sonnet and I'm glad to see that there are people out there trying different poem types outside of their comfort zones.
I'm no expert on sonnets but I do have some experience with them so I'm glad to help.
For one thing, I like the idea behind this poem and you do well in remaining consistent and following the shift in tone that a sonnet usually follows.
I do have one problem with this and that is the rhyme scheme. You chose an English/Shakespearean sonnet, and the rhyme scheme for that is ABAB-CDCD-EFEF-GG. You follow every rhyme perfectly except for the CDCD part in "They long to find those healers who can help/with ointment, potion or magician's trick./Those who hold them late on a winter's eve,/until smoke appears on the candle's wick." The rhyming words here are "Help," "trick," "eve," and "wick." And one of these is not like the other. It's "eve." I don't know if you forgot that but I noticed it almost right away.
I also want to point out that "love someone with who they can fully trust" doesn't sound right. I have a feeling it's supposed to read "love someone they can fully trust" or "love someone they know they can fully trust" and I don't know if you wrote it because of the syllable requirement, but it can be rewritten to have the full ten syllables and follow the sonnet pattern.
As for that, I have no other criticisms. It's a very well written poem and I like the theme you explored here and your word choice is pretty excellent.
Keep writing,
Dianne E.C.E.
Hi, retrodisco666!
It's a great love poem by the way; quite inspiring, don't you think? (Because I'm the lovey dovey type) Well, whatever.
This poem is beautiful, but I can't seem to feel the imagery that it's supposed to convey. Maybe it's just me, though. 
Oh well.
Yay! I love writing love poems too!
I don't pay much attention to details. I'm an iNtuitive. Anyway Isha and mephistophelesangel stressed enough technical stuff already. I think that's enough feedback to 'feed' on.
Good job trying to come up with that sonnet.
I read some of your works. I think you're talented. Keep it up.
YOU TRIED A SONNET.
And I must say, it's not bad for your first attempt. Not bad at all (I personally fail miserably at sonnets. I've tried). And, well, I couldn't find anything technical to pick at, so I'm going to talk about the phrasing of a few of the lines, first. ... Actually no, I'm going to start with punctuation.
So, here the flow is almost dependent on some sort of punctuation. Without it, you feel like the lines should just melt together, but they don't, really. The second line serves to reinforce the first line. I'd add either a semicolon or a dash, personally, but it's up to you. Which is the only punctuation line, so now I'm going to move onto phrasing (I apologize in advance for the disgusting amounts of quotes that'll be involved).
So, you're doing the typical 'each line has ten syllables' thing, which makes phrasing tricky here because you can't exactly add "that" between "hope" and "those." But the sentence doesn't really make that much sense, and it threw me off a little bit. It might flow a little easier if "hope" was "hopes"? I don't know if it technically makes more sense, but it appeals to my English more.
I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that "who" should be "whom," here. Also, I'd personally swap "with" for "in", just because it's more. Um. Sensical, sentence-wise.
Iiii have no idea if this will make it better in practice, but in my head, this line is a lot easier on flow if that last bit is "surely means to fall" or "means to surely fall".
Anyway. As usual, your poem, your call on whether or not you take the line-changing advice.
But I loved your imagery (especially the candle wick line, because I'm corny like that), and the idea behind the poem. I don't have to tell you that I'm a fan of your stuff, because you already know it.
Awesome job and keep writing,
~Ish
Hey retrodisco, we meet again!
Well, this was a great poem. It seems that you like (and are very talented at) writing love poems, yeah?
I'll just tell you a few things I noticed.
[those fragile organs doth shiver and quake.]
I think you meant,
[Those fragile organs both shiver and quake.]
Right?
And right here is where I think you could improvise; [with ointment, potion or magician's trick.] This could either be, [With an ointment, a potion or a magician's trick.] or, depending on what you meant, [With ointments, potions or a magician's tricks.] Either way, a 'a' has to go in front of the magician.
As I mentioned in your other poem, try to capitalize every first letters in a verse.
Now some good stuff!
You represented love in your writing extremely well. You described the emotion pretty bluntly, yet managed to sound elegant at the same time. The fact that you used 'they', not 'I', as the people in your poem intrigued me. It's kinda hard to pull off, you know?
I loved this;
[with ointment, potion or magician's trick.
Those who hold them late on a winter's eve,
until smoke appears on the candle's wick.]
The rhyming is amazing. Trick and wick. It's the first time I saw anybody use that rhyming companion (words) and I really like that!
Great, great job, retro.
Keep on writing, Mephis