Young Writers Society

NICE!!!!
I am captivated by the silent winds.
They swim through our sanguine nightmares,
caress your very fears and hold them with beast like grip.
This is night.

Thats such a juicy beginning. Really nice way to start. Sanguine nightmares, very good! No changes here.

Night, a simple coined term; if only it was so.
This is no night, it is out night. (out night or OUR night? Not sure what you mean here)
The very night in which our demons creep and cower,
until they scream and scutter.
Until evil consumes us. (that's scary imagery but very real, very powerful)

Blood swims along suburban streets.
The odd corpses discarded,
like child with their bike.
Happy lives, cut down by night. (GREAT! I'm really impressed with this poem, man. )

Hope is dripping out of out minds,
like solemn rain drops after a storm.
We are afraid, yet we are more afraid
of our fear more than anything else.

We must remember,
the night is always darkest before the dawn. ( very true. i love your writing)

I cling to the fabrics of existant.
Upon forgotten hills,
on once named lands.
Waiting. Waiting for our dawm.
Our Salvation. (AMEN! Great stuff)

I love your writing style, it's so refreshing. God bless you!

Good morning Retro (or good afternoon, or evening, depending on when you read this)
First things first: the title. The title is how a reader will first critique your work and decide whether or not they will want to read what you've written. Yours is an excellent one.
Next is the poem itself. I enjoyed your word choice and language very much, but it seemed overly complicated for a poem. Do you also write prose, perchance?
The big issue I had with the poem was your use of the phrase "very night" and "very fears" in the first two stanzas. "Very" doesn't seem necessary. But that might just be me, as I've never been fond of that word.
Overall, it was a good poem. Keep writing!

~TheManintheHat

The way hope is portrayed in the fourth stanza,
"Hope is dripping out of out minds,
like solemn rain drops after a storm."
is really descriptive of how as time passes and things get worse, we lose hope. Then at the end how it shows hope leads us forward and how we should be given the most hope when things are at their worst. Its amazing and gives the reader a good vision of how hope a works. Other than that, in the first line of the fourth stanza, "our" is spelled wrong. In the fourth line of the sixth stanza, "dawn" is spelled wrong. Great work!

This is really good. I have a few little things to ask about, though.
There's a few places where some of the words rhyme, but there's no consistent rhyme scheme. I think instead of "beast like" it's "beast-like," but I could be wrong. (It's happened before.) Near the end, it says, "dawm," but I'm pretty sure it's supposed to say "dawn."
Overall, I found this poem very easy to relate to. Great job! Keep writing!