Random red runs
are scattered across my arm.
Some see it as a cry of help,
or for attention.
I was looking for escape.
You all currently have
the exact same thought.
And i'm not,
and this is not.
I don't find the world unfair,
I don't hate my parents,
I don't care about the planet,
and I have friends,
and I seem happy.
This is just not for me.
Every teen carries burdens.
Across dead hills with a grudge.
The hills I see are bleeding,
and like my arm,
covered in blood.
*No real purpose and needs a ton of work but haven't posted in a while.
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139,415 Literary Works • 672,559 Reviews
Hi, retro! Remember me? Yeah, I'm the reviewer that reviews a ton of your works because you are my victim that I love to use XD
So prepare of a vicious cat review!
Firstly, the way the poem is put in uneven stanzas really mess things up. This causes a disruption in the rhythm and flow. Er, you need some help there sir.
Interesting stanza to begin with, but I still see no meaning. Why was the protagonist looking for escape? >.> Anything to hint of why that originated in the first stanza doesn't exist.
NITPICK: Capitalize "I'm".
The last line is confusing for me. What is not? What is "this"? These two questions are relatively the same, but still, I need them answered.
I'm confused. The poem doesn't correspond with each other. This may or may not be one of the ones that disrupt the peace.
This doesn't make sense at all. Explain more or delete all together.
This is a good stanza to end the poem. I salute you for that!
Anyway, all in all, it was okay, but not enough for me to be entirely satisfied. The poem has major areas to be improved, so work on that.
Keep writing!
~Kitty
Hey there, Retro! :]
My thoughts: Retro, you're a great poet. I like how you tackle darker themes. I've read other poems of yours, and they were brilliant. Maybe it's because you haven't posted in a while, but this poem lacks the...how do I say it...the je ne sais quoi your other works had. It's good, but it doesn't stand out. Maybe you should post more often.
Keep posting!
Sporks
one thing......I firstly loved your poem....its very nice.... I know how it feels when life is upside down...and suicide seems to be the only escape...my friend has also attempted but God forbid nothing happened.....he one reason i love your poem...is because the way you have expressed the emotions is very captivating....I love and will keep loving everything and anything people write....keep it up...because your words are brilliant...
hey there,
Suicide is always dramatic and I feel you captured that emotion perfectly. It is very gripping, very sad, very dramatic, like suicide should be. If I was going 'hahaha' then this would be a totally different conversation.lol. I think all in all this was good presentation, very neat and well-written. Bravo!
the first stanza moved me, that was a good way to start!
"Random red runs
are scattered across my arm.
Some see it as a cry of help,
or for attention.
I was looking for escape."
Good job.keep it up.
xxx Upile xxx