People usually drink wine with meals,
Rosé, white or red regardless,
I take a swig of poison,
but don't take salt, but arsanic.
A sucide attempt, how drole.
Happiness in a bottle of sleeping pills.
You misunderstand my situation, doctor.
I don't want to die;
just live a different life.
*Not much and want to add more but don't know what*
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141,746 Literary Works • 675,670 Reviews
I think it ends perfectly the way it is. I love it.
I loved this freaking poem! Its so good! You can feel the words flow naturally off your tongue as you read it. I love how you ended it. Pure genius. Your an incredible poet.
I liked this a lot. You have a really interesting way of laying out your thoughts. My only criticism is that the last line of the first stanza is very awkwardly worded. I actually like the poem at its current length, it makes it hard-hitting and keeps it from being overdone. If you want to add to it, though, you could go into why you want to live a different life and/or what that life would be like.
Nice work.
Fantastic! I love this poem. It's really interesting. My favorite line is "I don't want to die; just live a different life." I really like that part. The part about the salt and arsenic is a bit confusing, but I get what your trying to say. I think you should add to this, like you said, and see what it makes out to be.
REALLY NICE!
Grammar is in bold
When you say..."but don't take salt,.." it sound a bit repetitive.
You could try saying- " not salt, but arsenic.." and such and such. It makes it a little more straight forward, but still leaves a sense of mystery.
* and the 1st line sounds a bit...off.
other than that, pretty good!