Ever since I was a little girl
I loved the sight of fire.
Those flames flicked
and frolicked like faeries
flying towards the heavens.
.
The next day, however, I
was convered in ash.
Those marks streaked my
thin arms; those once pale
limbs now blackened like charcoal.
My mother never got me up in the morning.
.
When i got to school that day
I finally caught a look at my reflection.
My strawberry blonde hair
now black and matted.
My face stained with marks;
I resembled more a chimney sweep
than a little girl.
I wondered why no-one had mocked me.
.
I was called into the principals office.
Miss Merlow was the sweetest lady
that I had ever met. She spoke so softly
it was like a swallow try desperately to catch a breeze.
She knelt before me,
slight tears in her eyes.
I don't remember everything she said.
.
I was sat in the back of car;
one that didn't belong to my mother.
That was when it came back to me.
Those fiendish little flaming faeries
set my house alight.
Those Cinderbeasts turned my
house into a ceremonial pyre...
My mother, their sacrifice of choice.
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142,056 Literary Works • 676,506 Reviews
Hi there!
Keep writing!
This poem is paced so well, which is so important in poetry. There are just a few things that stick out:
1. The small typos/spelling mistakes throughout the entirety of the poem. DragonLily pointed all of them out, I think. I would suggest just reading it over and possibly editing it!
2. I agree with DragonLily that the "Ever since" and "The very next day" transition is too much of a dissonant jump. Personally, I would change "the very next day" to something like "But quickly I found myself covered in ash"
3. I like the description of the principal, but I think the beginning of that stanza tells more than shows. "Miss Merlow was the sweetest lady that I had ever met" is not the most powerful imagery in the world. The swallow bit was super good though! I wouldn't change that last bit.
4. "I don't remember everything she said" seems a bit unnecessary, especially since you don't tell the reader any of what she said.
The ending was super powerful! I liked it a lot
*Cries*
Well then. Okay. I'll try to put sentiments aside for a moment....
"Ever since I was a little girl" and "The very next day" don't really match up. I think "Ever since..." generally indicates that it still is that way. Even if I'm wrong about that, it still seems a little awkward, how you went from a vague, general time frame to a specific day. Maybe you could try something like 'when' instead of 'ever since' ...which still wouldn't work, so never mind that suggestion. >.<
"convered in ash" -I think you meant covered.
In the third stanza, you forgot to capitalize an I. Also, I don't think the hyphen is necessary in 'no one'.
Fourth stanza, 'principals' should have an apostrophe.
"In the back of car" -I think you meant to put 'a car'.
Other than spelling, this was a very well-written poem, so well done. I sincerely hope that it was not based on true events.