There is something about Sara,
and I'm not quite sure what it is.
Maybe it's her sweet half smile,
surrounded by soft pale lips.
.
Maybe it is her curly hair,
long, flowing and deep red.
Maybe it is the way she holds my stare
reading the thoughts deep in my head.
.
Maybe it is her warm brown eyes
that turn gold under the mid day sun.
It could be her raspy laugh,
or the way she sings a sad song.
.
It could be the way she runs,
the way she walks, or even her smooth voice.
Maybe it's because she's just five feet
and her humour is second to none.
.
It might be because she is vegan
or speaks a little Chinese.
How about how smart she is
or how she looks after bees.
.
Though I think the main reason,
the reason why I care.
Is because she doesn't think I notice
or that how I long for her.
.
Sara, I adore you.
I thought you ought to know.
But I know that we can't be together,
and that kills me so.
.
But, Sara, I promise you.
I swear to you right now.
That if you hadn't killed yourself,
I'd say I love you out loud.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Hi, I'm here to give you a review. So here it goes...
I love this poem. It's romantic, and it reminds me of that song "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars. Why? Because it starts off with how Bruno, the singer of course, admires the girl's appearance. In this poem, you admire her physical appearance. But again, this is a beautiful poem. So keep up the good work dude! C:
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started.
This is absolutely amazing and I loved it from start to finish. I'm not one to insist on imagery and all that, but yours in this was pretty spot on. I really thought this would end with sentimentality and then BAM plot twist, perfectly placed. I only have 2 or 3 little suggestions that don't even need to happen but might be personal preference but in my opinion would improve how the reader interprets little things.
"that turn gold under the mid day sun."
there should be a hyphen between mid-day
"I swear to you right now.
That if you hadn't killed yourself,
I'd say I love you out loud."
There should be a comma after 'now' and make 'that' lowercase. Also put "I love you" in quotations.
Other than those super tiny things, this is a fantastic poem. I can't wait to hear more from you and keep up the good work! Have a nice day!
~Purple
There's something about this poem,
But I can't quite figure out what.
Perhaps it's its heartbreaking quality.
Um...
But then again, p'raps not.
To begin: I really like the way the poem's narrator feels confused at exactly why he loves Sara. This really is quite an accurate portrayal of being in love, but not, in all honesty, an original one. Where this poem deviates from the norm is, I think, that its main body is taken up by a long list of possibilities, which, impressively enough, is quite entertaining, and gets as much mileage as possible out of the concept, without letting it become monotonous. If I were to pick a favourite, it would doubtless be the 5th stanza, and I do wonder where you came up with such an odd assortment of identities for the titatular 'something'.
But I really didn't expect that final twist, and my heart lurched as I read it. Something about your choice of words turned that final stanza into one of the most heart rendering laments it's been my good fortune to read during my short time on this site. As far as I know, a fair amount of your work has been much maligned by certain users, but I consider this poem to be utterly devastating. In a good way.
"And, oh, the difference to me."
Now to see if you get the reference.
I didn't but i do now!