I kissed a girl.
Alcohol pumping
leading up to inevitable bad
decisions; they're waiting to be made.
.
We lock eyes across this crowded bar.
Your makeup smeared across
your face; eyes not focused from
the copious amounts of vodka in your blood.
.
You walk over, well limp
as you seem to have misplaced your
left heel. You ask what's my name...
at least I think you did.
.
The response sorry I'm gay
makes you light up like a Christmas tree.
'We can kiss because you're gay!'
either she is very drunk or dumb because
she most certainly missed the point.
.
She flings herself at me
like some sort of savage cat;
all claws and mascara.
Her moist lips thrown against my
unwilling ones.
.
I manage to push her back
to her friends and finally am alone.
And I have no idea what Katy Perry
found in that kiss with a girl.
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
Yo there,
This is a pretty terrible poem I have to say. I k ow that you are creating a parody and that at the same time you are probably commenting in how ridiciulous modern media and individuals are about sexuality, privacy and about the inevitable drunken stupidity young oeople get up to. But it still makes for a pretty terrible poem.
I would have liked to see more imagery and more narrative here. What you do have would suit a prose piece better than it does a poem, though I also understand thT it would lack the humour and the direct comparison to lurics that you were probably going for. I probably just dont connect very well to comedic poetry in general because I tend to find it silly rather than funny.
I do hope you continue to write poetrh and develop your voice, but perhaps consider the poetuc value of your writing at the same time? So you arent left with a humerous but bad poem.
Thanks for posting,
-penguin.
I like it!
There were a few things I would edit:
You change from saying "you walk over" to "She is very drunk or dumb..." I would make it all 'you' or all 'she'
"The response sorry I'm gay
makes you light up like a Christmas tree.
'We can kiss because you're gay!' "
I would add the quotations around "sorry, I'm gay" and a comma there also.
That's all I see. Well done with the poem! I like it a lot.
Haha, I like this. Bravo, bravo.
Hey cute profile pic!
(Also, great poem)
Thgis is so funny!
Hi
Life a beautiful place if we were on the right, but if we were not right we will be unhappy
Quite a piece of writing I admit!!... it was clear and understandable..... quite descriptive... a perfect visual imagery... you could stress a little more on the whereabouts before hitting the nail on the gong... but other than that, its good....
.....wow. People find this amusing? That's, uh, that's molestation, and that's kinda... that's terrifying. I'm so sorry if this has actually happened to you.
Your poems seem to always cheer me up! I loved this and found it quite amusing!
This is fantastic! I'm cracking up. I have a gay friend and I thought this was hilarious. I love the way you broke up your poem. It looks so much more professional in my opinion. You were very descriptive and could see the emotion in your poem. I got sucked in to it and imagined I was there with you at the bar. The Katy Perry part was a nice touch. It made me smile. Great work! Keep it up!
I really like your style of writing. Your word choice and phrasing are great; the words you use are simplemand direct, and the lack of flourishing and purple prose makes it elegant. In most cases metaphors are better than similies, but the fact that you used similies instead adds to the tone. The best part about this piece is the way you broke up the lines. I love poetry that's divided a lot, and poetry that seems cut up.