A/N: I had to write a slam styled poem for the second round of a competition. My prompt was family relations. I got through to the quaterfinals with this piece, so I thought I'd share it with you!
When my mother was thirteen years old
Her mother was in a car accident.
Those wheels skidded and popped
And the oncoming traffic saw it long enough to almost break,
But instead it tore through the metal and glass
And from the wreckage she was a statistic,
She was an accident.
She was dead.
Now every mothers’ day I see my mother arch
Over another marble headstone will she says I love you.
She weeps and her tears keep the green grass on the grave alive,
Keeps the lilies she placed there alive,
She keep the memory alive.
But I never knew her.
My mother believes in ghosts.
She says her mother takes all our missing socks,
She says that the smell of perfume wafts in from the open window,
That in her sleep her mother plaits her hair,
That she sees her in the garden from the corner of her eye
And that she took a piece from her jigsaw.
And like that jigsaw my mother will never be complete.
When the people you love die then you miss something,
You miss a part of yourself that you shared with them.
And then it just sits there,
A heart made out of jigsaw pieces
But the blood is seeping through the holes,
Making leaky valves and broken chambers
But the doctor tells us that is a hereditary condition.
That the missing piece my mother has
Her mother had as well,
And if it hadn’t have been the car crash then this would have killed her.
Now the jigsaw pieces are breaking
And caving in on themselves
And my mother still believes in ghost
And she sits me down to say its time,
That everything will be okay,
That I can do this without her
That she will watch over me.
Two weeks ago my mother died,
My heart now missing a piece of the jigsaw,
And I’ve started looking for ghosts.
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125,034 Literary Works • 672,916 Reviews
Hi, retrodisco666. This is Pinkie here for a review. I like to be your review if you don't mind.
I like this poem. it is very interesting to read. This is a wonderful masterpiece that you made. I gave a big thumbs up for this one. Also, I didn't see any grammar errors on here which it is good thing. It is very well-written and amazing piece. The wording is very excellent! I enjoy this poem a lot! Also, you should make a short story about this one. It seem like a story to me unlike a poem. However, it is your choice, not me. Well, have a nice day!
Awesome Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
P.S: Happy Review Day!
This seems more like a story than a poem. Granted it's still beautiful, but I don't believe it's a poem exactly. I can see the point clearly though. Hope, right? Hope that the people you've lost can see the person you've become. Also a longing they weren't gone. I can't really give you too much advise on the subject. However, what I can say is that whether you see them or not the people you have and will lose will always stay in your heart. I really like the bridge you made with having a hole in your heart when someone you care about dies and literally having holes in your heart. Very creative, can't wait to read more of your stuff! =^_^=
Hey, there!
I just want to say, wow, this was a brilliant piece. Your way with words was very touching, and also sad and yet I enjoyed it very much. You did a great job expressing emotion and I felt that the overall mood was consistent. Looking at some of your other work, you seem to have a knack for that.
Keep up the great work.
Oh my what a chilling piece!
I really have to say although I can't write poetry I love seeing what other people come up with and this is brilliant.
At a few places I felt the flow was a bit clunky, but only the slightest bit,
but all in all this is a excellent piece that dances somewhere between an innocent quality, whimsy, utterly chilling. your use of certain phrases and word pictures were very well thought out and I have to say I REALLY enjoyed reading this.
The word picture of a heart being like a puzzle is brilliant- and it gave me an emotion and a picture right away which is what you want.
Keep up the good work!