I stand on the brink of despair
and I skip stones against the
tides of oblivion.
I watched them leap
and plummet.
They cast ripples against our lives.
I don't feel anything.
I am cold and empty,
like the stones that plummet
into the darkness below.
The world around me
is blue with spirits
walking around casting shadows
of white against derelict walls.
I am detached.
I see both worlds,
and loathe both.
Everyone knows me.
They will experience me.
They will fear me.
I am their last.
After death there is nothing.
When your time is ready,
come and stand with me
at the edge of despair,
and we shall skip
stones against life.
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
This is a really great piece! I love the way you describe the things in the poem like the water and the stones of despair, also your word choice is perfect for this poem! Thanks for posting I'll look for more of your work, happy writing!
-Snickerdooly
Hi there
So, I like this piece- it has great imagery, and conveys it well with simplistic and effective phrasing. The concept is interesting and original and really held my attention, especially towards the end.
I would recommend taking out the second "I" in the first stanza to relax the flow a little bit, and maybe change "plummet. They" to "plummet and" to make it a little smoother in that section as well? It's entirely up to you, and I can see how a slightly disjointed rhythm could really help set the tone/atmosphere, but there are other options as well.
This is very much your style, and I'm quite fond of it- great concept and interesting imagery expressed well. Nicely balanced with emotion
Great little piece!
-Coral-
I liked it! It was very artistic. I like the last part,
I don't quite understand the two worlds part, nor why the narrator hates both. I recommend that you use capitals in your poem. Very good poem though, I enjoyed it a lot!!Good piece of work...
Great use of words... Really very impressive...
Keep up the good work mate...
Hi there!
Firstly I really like this. There is an air of, I can't really describe, but there definitely something about it that I really like!
Now if I was you, I would split the poem up into equal stanzas. You have a few with three lines, a few with four lines, and one with five and one with just one line.
I would try get them all equal and maybe just one have one line if you want to make it stand out.
Try working on that and see how it turns out?
Keep writing!!!