Cloaked in the ribbon that is darkness,
we all sell our soul for the right price,
we hide where the light can see us,
we are in the desert in the darkest night.
You took me away, to Vegas baby.
where the sun and the moon are the same,
Where all the bandits are missing limbs,
where a cocktail is drunk before lunch.
Men and Women move in herds,
like animals on the hunt: stags and hens,
how they stalk Vegas, stalk the lights.
Get married it's okay. It's Vegas baby.
Your husband puts most on the double zero,
a spin of the wheel and he loses it all,
black 28, the Canadian wins again,
put the rest on and watch it fall.
The dealer plays the card face down,
your last chip,your last everything,
You turn the card over and
see the queen smiling up,it's all over.
But it's okay. It's Vegas baby.
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140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Retrodisco666: I love this ! I agree that it does kind of sound like a song but I love the rhythem in it and the message. It's so true of Vegas.
Hello....
This sounds more like a song. Than a poem.
It could use some work. This work is like a mix between a poem and a song.
But also good metaphors and similes...
This is not revenge to what you said on my poem for you're knowing....
Thanks for the comment.
~Retro Disco666
Hm, what an interesting thing to write poems about. (I've seen movies, videos and TV shows, heard songs and stories, read books and articles about Las Vegas, but never encountered a poem.) Since the closest to Vegas I've been is Anaheim, I'm going to base everything I know about 'Sin City' on those sources. You don't mind, do you?
Okay, you start off your poem just fine, setting the setting.. mooding the mood. People hang out in Las Vegas, Nevada at night, where they partake in shady activities. Got it.
Should this be 'You took me away' instead of 'my'?
Now, you say that 'the sun and the moon are the same' in which I assume is a metaphor. I don't really understand the meaning behind it.. but I know it sounds nice. Not sure about that one.
Hah, I'm have no idea if the limbless bandits part is supposed to be humorous (probably not?) but when I read that I giggle a bit and get a mental image of 'Lieutenant Dan.'
'Were' should be 'Where'.
Okay I really like the image you put into my head, people all prowling around, looking to pounce on the next available bachelor(ette).
I also like the way you added 'It's Vegas baby.' Apparently being in Las Vegas is an excuse to make bad decisions.
And then falls the gambler. And again.
I noticed there were no periods in this verse.. I guess that really doesn't matter since it's poetry. Just wondering if you noticed as well, if that were intentional or not.
The end of the gambling spree, nothing to take back home with you.
I love how the queen was smiling, even though she'd made you lose everything. She sounds a bit devious.. Behead her at once.
You've got some commas that need a space after them.
Perfect final line. It's basically saying 'Ah, what the hell.'
A for originality.
-Eme