Her warm blood
massages the inside
of my thoat.
It's sickly aroma
swims around
the trapped space.
I dig my nails
deep into her arm,
and pull out another chunck.
I squeeze her heart,
emptying all the chambers,
into my thirsty mouth.
I lift her up
and bite into her neck,
tearing away her pale skin.
Her ribs break beneath my knee,
the cracking is a symphony to my ears;
such a perfect sound.
I throw the devoured corpse
into the road,
and contemplate what will I have,
For dessert.
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140,164 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Wow! This is so disturbing! I love how descriptive it is, and how the idea is horrible and fascinating at the same time. I know someone who once ate human liver on a trip to China. The guy who sold it said it was chicken-paste. I wonder if this girl tastes like chicken… O__o
Creepy thoughts aside, I have 2 little tiny nitpicks:
"I throw the devoured corpse
into the road,
and contemplate what will I have,
For dessert."
Probably, you should take away the comma and un-capitalize "For". It makes it kind of disjointed.
The other thing is just an "idea" problem. If it's an enclosed space that they are in, how can the cannibal throw her into the road?
That's all,
~~Killed the Cat
Beautiful and gruesome. Makes me wonder what made you write this, what your inspiration was how how you put it into such a work of art.
It is a good thing to watch out for spelling errors, comas and that's about all I can say. It's obvious with just reading this that you've been doing this for a while and it's impossible not to enjoy your works.
I think that's all for me now! Chow! -joallover
I picked out lines that had commas that really didn't need them.
Other than that, I have no criticism for this piece. The subject is definitely not down my alley, and by that I mean I've never thought this way, so whatever you write is pretty effective in my mind xD This poem made me a tad queezy... you did a really good job of expressing the images in this. Sort of makes me wonder what exactly inspired you to write about cannibalism
I absolutely loved this! It was right down my alley for favorite type of writing! It was deliciously gruesome and the words delicately placed. The spelling was a little off but of course that was probably just typos. The definition was divine with the self fulfilled glory. "Cannibal" almost reminded me of The Silence of the Lambs . Once again great! Loved it.
Ha! The end part is awesome
Xx
And this poem... it made me feel sick. Is that the effect you were going for?
And the way you'd described everything was almost, er.. beautiful? I don't know. Perhaps, "Perfect, and Twisted" describes this pretty well.
I liked this
I think you've spelt "Cannibal" wrong, by the way. That's the only thing. So...
Please don't eat me
Excellently, disgusting! watch out for spelling errors. "bit to bite, desert to dessert, thirst to thirsty" other than that, excellent job! it was gruesome and raw and disgusting.