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The princess with cancer.

by retrodisco666


'Rapunzel, Rapunzel lay down your golden hair.'

I would but, my prince, there is none there.

The chemo is strong, and it has ebbed away.

Those once golden locks could not withstand the pain.

My namesake has gone, I had nothing left.

And what was to follow will surely be death.

.

'Oh Rapunzel Rapunzel, please let me in.'

My dear prince, I've grown ill and desperately thin

my ribs stick out underneath my pale flesh,

covered in bruises and scars; i look worse than death.

It hurts to stand up or walk around my small room,

this once ivory tower feels more like a tomb.

.

'Oh Rapunzel Rapunzel, please come to the door.'

She cannot answer, she is lifeless on the floor.

Her body is pale and hollow and slim,

it looks less like a person, she is more on the brim

of death's vast fortress; her time is almost done.

This tumor, this cancer, has nearly won.

.

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel, do you hear me cry?'

Dear, dear prince it is her time to die.

She has been fighting for so long,

it is over, it's finished. It is her final song.

Tonight she is sleeping, she shall not wake in the morn,

this fair young princess will not see the dawn.


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Tue Sep 17, 2019 1:57 am
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Such a lovely poem. Nice twist of using Rapunzel. I should know as a close friend went through cancer. Keep writing!~




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Thu Feb 15, 2018 8:13 pm
Bellarke says...



This is funny, even though it is not meant to be because the princess that you chose.
Rapunzel makes me die, and it is hilarious It is sad though.

It is too sad. I dont like cancer.

My bestfriend has cancer.




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Wed Apr 09, 2014 8:50 pm
Awriter says...



where did you get the inspiration?






Just from the top of my head haha



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Wed Apr 09, 2014 8:48 pm
Awriter says...



I like the alternate universe....poor Rapunzel




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Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:15 pm
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Messenger says...



ho is this featured?




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Tue Apr 08, 2014 6:30 pm
StellaThomas wrote a review...



Heya! Stella here! So I'm not normally a poetry-reviewer, but I saw this on the front page and felt compelled to go through it:

The chemo is strong, and it has ebbed away.

Those once golden locks could not withstand the pain.


Firstly, the word 'ebbed' doesn't have any object in that first sentence, were it "ebbed away those once golden locks, which could not..." then it would make sense. The way it is, it doesn't.

Secondly, I remain in constant confusion over the way that many people associate cancer & chemotherapy as if they are hand in hand problems. They're not - the chemo is there to help, and it seems strange that it would get its portion of blame before the cancer does. For sure mention the hair - but maybe it's the fact that she sacrificed her hair for the cause, rather than the nasty evil chemotherapy stealing her locks? Maybe I'm biased. The other thing is, "could not withstand the pain" - chemotherapy isn't really associated with pain, as much as the cancer itself - so which one do you mean?

this once ivory tower feels more like a tomb.


This one struck me as odd in several places. Firstly, wasn't Rapunzel originally imprisoned in the tower? It was a prison. Whereas ivory tower is an idiom for somebody who lives in a fantasy, pipe-dream world, and it doesn't sit right here. Was the tower originally meant to be a happy place?


Her body is pale and hollow and slim,

it looks less like a person, she is more on the brim

of death's vast fortress;


1) 'slim' is, I think, far too gentle a word for cancer-associated weight loss - in medical terms, they'd be described as 'cachexic.' I like the word, it's harsh, it's honest, it doesn't romanticise anything. I'm not suggesting you use that, but 'slim' doesn't work for me.
2) fortresses have a brim? Where?

Also, is the change of point of view intentional? Who is speaking for the second two stanzas?

It was an enjoyable read though!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x






Thanks so much for the review :) the change of point of view was intentional :) like she has no more strength to speak I herself. And I appreciate the comment about chemo something to work on. The bit about brim is enjambement onto the best line but the break is there for the line. But thanks a lot :D



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Tue Apr 08, 2014 2:40 pm
rbt00 wrote a review...



Hats off. Great write. Although, A few sentences I felt needed a bit change
"My namesake has gone, I had nothing left."
----------


this once ivory tower feels more like a tomb.
----------------------

A GREAT JOB! If time permits I would have appreciated your work more but sorry can't.

REGARDS




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Tue Apr 08, 2014 12:25 pm
Ciblio says...



I got shivers while reading this. Good work!




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Tue Apr 08, 2014 4:11 am
confetti says...



Wow! I've read a few of your poems here and there and this one is definitely my favourite. Great work :)




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Mon Apr 07, 2014 7:36 pm
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Vincian says...



This is amazing. The feels. THE FEELS.




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Mon Apr 07, 2014 6:47 pm
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Iggy wrote a review...



Greetings!

I'm afraid I can't nitpick this. Like, at all. How could I? You did great with this. :D

First off, I loved the story you showed us through this poem. The idea of Rapunzel having cancer is a bit scary, honestly. x) It's like her identity has been stolen. It's sad that she's withering away, having lost everything that makes her who she is, and the prince is none the wiser. You don't make it clear that he's at the tower or not, just that he's yelling for her. It makes me sad to think of him looking up and waiting and waiting. :'(

Moving on, I really loved the way this was written. The rhyme scheme was cute and simple, with easy words that worked together and didn't clash or come off as forced. I liked the clean way this flowed.

Overall, this was beautifully written, with a sad story that was told in easy to understand way. It was hard to accept her dying, but you did it so nicely that I think I'll forgive you. D: Anyways, I really enjoyed this. Each stanza was nice and strong and focused on each stage of her fading away without immediately jumping into her dying; in other words, your story flowed at a steady pace. It was a pleasure to read! ^^




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Mon Apr 07, 2014 2:44 pm
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CarsonTheArson says...



You know, after reading your five inch heels story yesterday and this one today, I've become a fan. Both of these pieces are beautiful and worthy of the attention they are getting. I'm not going to review this piece, I'm just going to sit here and admire it's beauty. And later I will read your other stories and wait for new ones to be published.

Fantastic job :)




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Mon Apr 07, 2014 3:36 am
Poopsie says...



Its a great read and all, but what does this have to do with you or anything else? (forgive me if this sounds mean)






Cancer is something that generally will affect everyoje in their life and it wasn't my intention to make it relatable it was my intention to give a twist to a know take :)



Iggy says...


I wouldn't say it affects everyone...



Verser says...


oh, that clears some things up



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Sun Apr 06, 2014 11:04 pm
sabrina738 wrote a review...



Hello Sabrina here,
I fell in love with this poem. My friend died last year with lukimea, and it was really sad. This poem is wonderfully written and I would love to read more. nits amazing how you changed a fairy tale into something really and emotional. WTG.




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Sun Apr 06, 2014 10:15 pm
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lakegirls says...



This was beautifully written. It's rather haunting in that it has such a fairytale feel to it but it's so real & raw. I really think that there needs to be a Disney princess who has cancer. Yes, it would be depressing but kids need to be more exposed to it. Cancer is something that impacts almost everybody today.

I really, really liked this! Keep up the good writing :)

-Nicole




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Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:00 pm
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GreenTulip wrote a review...



Hi, Tulip here to give you a review on this poem.

*Takes a moment to gather myself as your poem drove me to tears.*

Okay I think that I am fine now. I can't believe that this is so sad! I am still practically crying!

I thought at the title it would just be generally sad, but as I read it I started to cry. I mean it is hard to make me cry because of something I read. (Harry Potter is an exception.) I give you a round of applause for doing do. It is marvelous.

Now to get into the actual meat of the review. (By now you should notice I don't follow a normal pattern in reviews.)

I like how you focused this on Rapunzel. She would suffer the most because of cancer. She would lose the hair that she treasured the most and her entire life would be different! This poem really hit that on the head.

The structure was good and the story line great. It is another one that made my list of great poems, if you knew that I wrote down the list.

Good job. Keep writing.

~Tulip.




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Sun Apr 06, 2014 6:49 pm
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RoyalHighness wrote a review...



*stops writing to review this masterpiece*
This. This is beauty. Just. Give me a second.

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Okay, calm. Well. This sent me into an emotional rollercoaster that I was unprepared for.
I love me some lyrical poetry, and I love different takes on classic stories even more, so this was kind of like Christmas for me.
Plus, I've been a fan of yours for a while, so it all adds up to one spectacular piece here.
I like how the time elapses, and how you show the different stages of the cancer, changing the exclamation each time there's a change in her condition. Very, very well done.
I would nitpick about the commas and the run-ons, but I have a feeling the sentences were written like that on purpose; either way, the commas do add flow, even if the sentences are run-on.
I like how you brought a relatively modern disease to an old story; it really brought a new kind of life to the original story. If this were expanded into a book, I would wait in line at midnight to buy it and then read it until five in the morning, surrounded by empty jars of nutella and used tissues.
There's a repetition of the word "for," in the third line of the last stanza that I'm not sure was meant to be there...Just so you know!
The last lines don't /exactly/ rhyme, but they didn't take away from the FANTASTICNESS OF THIS POEM GREAT JOB okay
Overall, I give this nine stars of ten, because I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT.





I am gayness.
— ScarlettFire