I remember the day I admitted I was gay.
I had renounced my pretense of liking
those women in short dresses
with long hair with perfume that smelled
like a summers breeze or crackling fire.
I remember my father caught me with a lingerie magazine.
He smiled, said he wouldn't tell my mother.
He thought I was straight,
I was admiring those finite detailed patterns.
.
I remember sitting my family down with news
pressed against the inside of my mouth.
My tongue making twisted syllables into
sort of words; ones which could not
fully function or get across my meaning.
'Mum, Dad, I sort of don't want to be with girls.'
My sentence though flawed hit home like a
heavyweight champs left hook and they did not speak.
I had knocked them out with the truth.
.
Fortunately, after a while everything was fine.
My parents were good whilst never using that
word in front of me in case I was offended,
because I was still their son and that was that.
I remember bringing that first boy home.
How my mother hugged him at the door.
How my father shook his hand.
How my brother said that his sister was hot
and could he have her number?
They loved him as another son.
.
Unfortunately, things did not work out.
There was no happy ever after
in that abusive relationship.
My bruises told truths that I once
managed to create into knockout punches,
but for once it was someone else planting the blows.
I ran home to my mother and I wept.
My father had to re-plaster the walls.
My brother never did text his sister.
.
A few years later I am still alone,
until one day I am sat in a coffee shop.
I sip from my cup whilst reading
and this tall man walks up to me.
He asks if he can take a seat.
His American twang leaves his mouth like butter.
His words pour like the steam
from my coffee cup into never
ending circles of beauty.
.
We sit for hours talking about nothing.
Though we conclude you cannot
think of nothing because to do so
we are thinking and this sort
of existential crisis make me laugh.
It isn't until we go to leave that I notice his footwear.
Those five inch heels that fit
to his feet so elegantly.
.
Now I had never been one for camp men.
It was never something I had an interest in,
but the way his brain conveyed these
thoughts of pure intelligent beauty that I could not help myself.
The way he touched my wrist to lead me to his house
because I had never seen Aladdin.
The way his heel clacked against the floor.
I hope he didn't notice my flinch.
.
We watched the film but I watched him.
His long blonde eyelashes
seemed to cast a breeze over me.
The smell of his cologne was
like crackling firewood.
His hair was long and swishy
and the colour of warm sandy beaches.
I lean over to kiss him, my lips trembling like
seismic plates causing earthquakes in my head.
I kiss him, and he kisses me back. Hard.
.
I remember when I admitted I was gay.
I had renounced girls and their heels,
their perfume smelling of firewood
and their long hair.
I found all these things in Luke.
My mother hugged him at the door.
My father shook his hand.
My brother asked if he had a sister.
And his American twang soothed my
horrible nightmares like a lullaby;
I was not scared of what could happen anymore.
I fell in love with this magnificent boy
who wears five inch heels.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
This was so beutiful!!!
I remember sitting my family down with news
pressed against the inside of my mouth.
My tongue making twisted syllables into
sort of words; ones which could not
fully function or get across my meaning.
'Mum, Dad, I sort of don't want to be with girls.'
My sentence though flawed hit home like a
heavyweight champs left hook and they did not speak.
I had knocked them out with the truth.
.
Fortunately, after a while everything was fine.
My parents were good whilst never using that
word in front of me in case I was offended,
because I was still their son and that was that.
I remember bringing that first boy home.
How my mother hugged him at the door.
How my father shook his hand.
How my brother said that his sister was hot
and could he have her number?
They loved him as another son.
This part makes me die and it is hilarious and I want to just die in a hole now from laughing
Hey there retrodisco666!
This is a lovely, lovely piece. I really enjoyed reading this piece. It is one of the best I've ever read.
Goodness! Look at the number of poems you've written!
I wonder if this is inspired by true events; because if they are, you have managed to capture the beauty of the details!
I believe people belonging to the LGBTQ community(and everyone else, too!!) should read this poem.
Can I share this poem with some of my friends? I will give credits to the name 'retrodisco666' or any other name you want me to.
Hope you have a good day!
Cheers,
Alex Blackwell.
Hey. I know this is a late reply but share away if you haven't already!
This is one of the best of the best poems I've read on this site. It perfectly shows a young gay man and his relationships with two men. It was so sad when I read that the first man was so abusive to him. I mean, nobody should be treated like that ever in their life. And with the second man, I love that he was getting the man who deserved to be with him. Even though, the second man had some feminine qualities about him. I was also pleased about his parents accepted his sexuality. Nice job and keep on writing.
Dreamer here for a review,
WOW that almost made me cry I saw every inch of the poem perfectly and it had so much feeling and meaning to it. It was beautiful. I am not an expert on poems but when I saw this on the from page I knew I had to read it. You use very great wording to make the poem flow. you made it very well. The only part I had a problem with was when he was coming out to his mom and dad. I would reword that because it messed with the flow of the piece it was like a ripple in a quiet cam pond. I know those were the words used to have the boy come out but they didn't flow right. You did very well and I can't wait to find another one of your poems up on the front page because you put so much heart into it that it just adds to all the elements already there. Good Job, Good Luck, and Keep on Writing
I almost cried…. I am so sorry and sad at this. I don't want to start a debate (bring it on!) but this is a very controversial piece. So, instead of thanking you for this, as Nargles did, I have one thing to say. I am so very sorry.
un believable it absolutely amazing. This show so much im definitely going to read some more of you work.
I have one thing to say - Thank you
Wow, really beautiful. Once again you blow me away with your imagery and vocabulary. You really do have a talent for telling stories, it was heart felt and beautiful.
I like the repetition you used, when the second boy came home and the family did the same things;
My mother hugged him at the door.
My father shook his hand.
My brother asked if he had a sister.
Because you could see things where different but the same. I couldn't pick up on a lot of nitpicks, so nice. The ending was really sweet and put a smile on my face!
My favorite lines/stanza:
And his American twang soothed my
horrible nightmares like a lullaby;
I was not scared of what could happen anymore.
I fell in love with this magnificent boy
who wears five inch heels.
Great job, once again!
LGF
Great poem. I love it. I especially love these parts:
The smell of his cologne was
like crackling firewood.
His hair was long and swishy
and the colour of warm sandy beaches.
I had renounced girls and their heels,
their perfume smelling of firewood
and their long hair.
I found all these things in Luke.
I fell in love with this magnificent boy
who wears five inch heels.
I also really like how you had the mother did this, father did this, and brother did this lines you used for both boys. However, I think that some of your transition words were unnecessary. Unlike short stories, transitions in poems often disrupt the flow instead of helping it. For example:
Fortunately, after a while everything was fine.
I would put "After a while everything was fine."
Also, I would cut out the now in "Now I've never been one for camp men." Lastly. when you wrote "Unfortunately, things did not work out." I would say "But things didn't work out." This has more of a flow where I feel like the way you have it sounds too structured and rigid. I really really liked the poem though. I had to read it a few times to find something that I thought could be improved. I look forward to reading some of your other work.
Hey, Lacy here!
First, let me tell you how much I LOVED this poem! Its so beautiful. My best friend is in the closet and he's too scared to come out. I love the fact that you had enough courage to come out and even post this!
My favorite part was:
I remember when I admitted I was gay.
I had renounced girls and their heels,
their perfume smelling of firewood
and their long hair.
I don't really know what to say, I can find no nit picks here! You did an amazing job and I love reading your pieces! Keep writing<3
I really don't think I can say anything which hasn't already been said about this poem. It tugs right at the heart strings.
These lines were my favourites, it made my heart swell and put a nice grin on my face.
I loved this poem and thought that it was amazingly beautiful.
This was breathtakingly beautiful. My best friend is still in the closet, too afraid to admit to anyone that he is in love with an amazing guy. He's too afraid of society and the judging eyes that haters cast against him. I'm going to show him this, this is something that will hopefully help to ease his fears. Amazing, amazing job!
-Nicole
This is just a tale of bromance but you had guts to write such a thing.
Anyways I am assuming it is fictitious and you are not conveying your real life story.
But it was hilarious and amusing.
The majority is real actually haha
Okay, I love this so I am not actually leaving a review because I have no suggestions to make, but can I just say that it made me so happy, this line:
and also this one:
And not to ruin the importance of this poem with such a dumb comment (because the poem is fantastic), but I am American and I always just assume our accent sounds hideous to everyone...or at least, I mean, we mostly all think English accents are the shiz, so it was just funny to hear such nice things about an American accent,
even though considering the love aspect it makes perfect sense that the man's accent would sound so nice to the narrator
and I'm sorry this is such a stupid comment that is in no way helpful at all but seriously the poem was greatGood for you(:
Okay, so I read like all of your poetry and I kind of pretty much love every piece you throw out.
So I thought I'd attempt to actually review one, just to show my appreciation. And it's not going to be an overly good or long review, because I have issues picking up flaws in your works, but I'll do my best:
First of all, you have lines that're similar to this one:
In which that first word just seems... unnecessary. As in, the line would be a lot more powerful, and it would flow a lot easier, if that word was gone. "I had never been one for camp men" is blunter, and more straightforward, and, in my opinion, sounds more... eloquent, than if the "now" is included in it.
Basically: Bogging up the poem with such words takes away from the overall prowess of it. There were a few lines in the poem that were like that. It's totally up to you (obviously) whether or not you want to read through and take them out, but I'd recommend it.
And... yeah other than that I'm pretty dry. Your poetry is always amazing, and I'm definitely a fan of it. Your flow is perfect. I enjoy the simplicity of it, and you always, always manage to tell an amazing story. There's pretty much nothing else wrong with this. Story-line was good. Flow was wonderful. Wording was lovely. Etc, etc, praise praise blah blah blah.
Anyways. Always a fan.
Good job and keep writing,
~Ish
This was breathtakingly beautiful. My best friend is still in the closet, too afraid to admit to anyone that he is in love with an amazing guy. He's too afraid of society and the judging eyes that haters cast against him. I'm going to show him this, this is something that will hopefully help to ease his fears. Amazing, amazing job!
-Nicole
I'd just like to say, thank you for posting this. Let me just admit something now. I cried. This poem was just so beautiful and honestly, I've never cried at a poem before. This is something you can tell that wasn't just scribbled on paper and slapped on the internet.
Also, you are SO lucky to have parents who support you if this poem is true. I've had to hide from my parents the truth that I am bi every single night, I have to listen to their rude jokes, and it hurts. I would love to have parents like the ones in your poem, and that might be what hit an emotional trigger, because it hit at a personal level. You're also brave to have the courage to sit down and tell your family. That is something I could never do. So once again. Thank you for posting this. I'm so happy I stumbled upon it. Because it's something that will stick with me forever.
~Sarai Rayne
RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Okay, overall this was beautiful. But let's talk about the parts I didn't love before we talk about the parts that I ABSOLUTELY DID okay calm here we go.
Let's start with the second stanza because the first one is flawless.
When you write about what you said, put it in quotation marks. When I got to that line, I was a little confused for .2 seconds, but I think you could clear it up with some quotes.
The line after that needs commas around "though flawed."
The first line of the third stanza is the same way: you need some commas around "after a while."
Second-to-last line of the third stanza: I think it would be cute if instead of saying, "and if he could have her number," you said, "and could he have her number?"
That change makes it sound more like the brother is doing the asking, rather than you describing the action. I just think it's a little more interesting.
I love the imagery of words as punches, and how you keep up that imagery throughout the entire poem.
I love the repetition of the girls with long hair and perfume, etc.
I love the description of how your family meets the first boy, and how they react when it doesn't work out.
There is a slight mistake in the fifth stanza. It says "I am sat in a coffee shop."
The last sentence of the fifth stanza is a little clunky. It feels like you're trying too hard to make this boy sound perfect. The diction in that line is way more elegant than the rest of the poem, so it feels a little out of place.
"But the way he conveyed these thoughts of pure intelligent beauty that I could not help myself." This half of the sentence doesn't make sense. There's just no verb! Maybe that was an artistic move on your part that went over my head, but it's a little confusing.
I LOVE THE SEVENTH STANZA SO MUCH, I LOVE HOW YOU DESCRIBE WATCHING HIM AND THE EYELASHES AGH SO PERFECT!!!
I like the repetition of the family meeting the new boy, and how it parallels the first time, because it really shows the reader how different the two boys are.
And of course, the five inch heels add humor and quirkiness to the whole thing.
Overall, I'd say read up on your comma rules, because there are a few missing here. Check for some spelling errors. Just refine your technical stuff, and you'll be right as rain.
I give this four stars of five. Way to go!
After glancing at the title of this piece i couldn't help but read it. The story is fantastic! I really enjoyed reading it and I couldn't even find any faults.