Apple

Nice imagery. I love the idea of the apple and the taste of it. I could really imagine myself in the speaker's situation and the taste of the apple changing. This poem isn't what I expected from the title. A pleasant surprise though.
It's kind of a romantic poem which I normally don't like so much but this one impressed me as it's not too soppy. That's what I think I don't like.
Like people have already said the poem is short and sweet but it does what it should anyway. Poems are not my forte but I appreciate good poetry highly so I make sure to read poetry as well as prose.
Well done on this poem. No nitpicks anywhere. Possibly a few better sentence starters would make it even better but I enjoyed it just the same.
I've looked at your other works and they're all pretty good as well.
I will have to review you some more...

I LOVE THIS! It's not too long, but you use every single line to your advantage. I could almost see and hear the actions you were describing! the ending tied the entire thing together perfectly and just... wow. This is definitely one of my favorites. The only complaints would be the accidental typos, but that's not on you. This was easy to read, simple, mind-blowing and very realistic as well as relatable. You're great. Wow.

Hi retrodisco666! As you can see, it's Em101cats here to review.


I love this short-but-sweet poem, with amazing description and feelings of romance and sorrow. This is the only problem I saw, which is merely a small typo:

I though of our first kiss.

Oh my. How profound. I like how you so smoothly transitioned between a positive experience to a negative experience, and all surrounding an apple! This poem is a true insight into how the human mind works. An action as simple as biting an apple can bring back memories both painful and beautiful. Your use of symbolism was perfect. You goldiloxed that one just right.

I have a few suggestions as to how I think you could perhaps improve this poem (note they are only suggestions). In my short experience with poetry, I have found that a certain amount of experimentation is needed. Taking out words, switching words, reading phrases out loud to see what they sound like...yadaa yadaa. It's all about the effect. In the second stanza, I think you should change up the third line.

"The nectar in my mouth turned bitter.

The apple was off;

my mouth now dry and bitter."

Your first and third line are very similar. Some suggestions I have: "My face twisted in disgust," "My tongue now dry and sour." It's just a thought.

Lovely work.

Ooh, very good! I really liked it...it was very interesting, and the ending was spectacular. these lines were my faves: i threw the rotten fruit in the bin/i thought of our last kiss
Very good lead up, i didnt understand last 2 lines of first stanza, but poetry is made to make you think; if you could explain that would be great . Otherwise excellent, short and sweet (pun intended). Also like the lines I bit an apple/nectar pooled as I tore through green flesh. Very good! Great usage of words. keep writing!

Hello I'm Truth I will be reviewing your poem "Apple",

Pros:
I love the similes you use and the analogies. Very vivid at least for me.

Cons:
Your take on this

"I bit an apple,

nectar pooled as I tore through green flesh."

The take on this sentence is nice but, the word "pools" is not a good word to use for what happens when you bite in to an apple.

"I though of our first kiss. "

Again a good take yet a mistake is found "though" should be "Thought" like this
"I thought of our first kiss."

Other than that I thought it was really good I really loved this line:

"I threw the rotten fruit in the bin.

I thought of our last kiss."

Hey there retro! Mr SushiDog here to review your poem!
I kind of get the impression from this poem and a lot of your other works that you LOVE metaphors! You used loads of them in this poem and it makes this very deep and powerful. Personally my favourite line was:

I bit an apple,

nectar pooled as I tore through green flesh.

I spat it on the ground.

I threw the rotten fruit in the bin.

I thought of our last kiss

I spat it on the ground.

As I threw the rotten fruit in the bin.

I thought of our last kiss

I must first compliment you on your word choice. I really enjoyed the simile that you have used.

"I bit into an apple,
nectar pooled as I tore through green flesh."

I'm not sure but i think that those should be broken into two sentences. They can be two sentences, and just a single comma does not join two complete sentences. I think that you should either break that into two sentences or use a comma and a conjunction.

I love the emotion, especially in the second stanza. The anger is just so prominent and it's wonderful to be able to feel that just by reading the words. Poetry really is meant to make one think and feel, and i think that you did that beautifully.

"I though of our first kiss."

I'm pretty sure that you meant "thought." I know that sometimes those tiny errors can be hard to catch. The first time that i read that line i didn't even notice.

"my mouth now dry and bitter."

I don't really know if you need to change this, but to me it feels like present tense. The rest of it is in past tense, and you want to make sure that you keep it consistent.

Other than that, it was really good. I honestly think that it is just wonderful and poetic in every single way.

Thewriter13 here for a review
This poem really left me in deep thought after I read it a few times.
I can't really critique this much, as it is perfect...or possibly because my eye is not as sharp as it should be
My favorite lines in this poem are:

"I bit an apple,

nectar pooled as I tore through green flesh." It just captivated me and I wanted to read more. Good poetry does that, and I commend you for doing so!
One thing,
I don't think you needed the semicolon, or any punctuation really. Perhaps don't use periods except for a full stop (such as the very last line of the poem) that signifies a complete end.
I don't know you don't have to do that.
But I really love this piece!
Keep writing!