This poem is from the point of view of Cecile from the book the colour purple. The grammar and spelling are intentionally like that. Thanks and enjoy.
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I ast her a question,
she said darlin i just dont know,
the lord loves all his creations,
but all his creations aint the same though.
People they always starin,
they always starin when us walk
I am a normal person,
but to them us just animals that talk.
How comes lord,
you taken my momma away,
she made stuff simpler
and made sure the starin wunt last the day.
I see the colour purple,
It is in everything y'all see
instead of noticin my colour,
noticin what the lord makes is key.
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hi and here to review!
ok so it was a good and meaningful poem dude but like everyone else the only flaw detected is your grammer and in the first line its supposed to be "asked" well i suppose its a typo and no other problem good touchy poem and meaning full about purple.
any problems PM me.
James
I love it! But um, who's Celie? Anyways, the grammar is okay (thought I think you should've put it at the start). It's quite touching and sweet. I really felt for the speaker. Good work retrodisco, it's a really nice poem and you should keep it as is. That way, it's got that little trademark.
Hey, Retro Disco, June here,
I enjoyed this poem; it's simply put, it's concise, and it's complete, meaning that it doesn't leave us hanging at the end. I enjoyed your rhyme scheme throughout, as well, although I usually am not a big fan of rhyme. The final line in the poem felt like a forced rhyme, though, and I feel that since it's really easy to find another long e sound rhyme, you should replace it with something that maintains the flow that you established earlier in the poem, dear. I felt that you built something up and the last line stole a brick from somewhere near the bottom of the structure, which made it waver a bit.
Keep writing. I think you have a lot of potential.
June
Hello there
I loved this a lot. It was definitely something different from what I've seen lately. I loved the movie the color purple, although this almost captured what you were going for. You did a good job with the rhyming as well. Very creative. I will not correct anything because everything was just fine, so take this as just a good old comment.
Good job
Hi,
It's a nice poem. It's not great, though, and here's why:
You use a little slang in here, taking away from the seriousness of the poem itself and, yes, there are a few grammar and spelling mistakes. I think you should also put the "g"s at the end of the words that need them...why did you take them off in the first place? It won't hurt the rhythm of the poem.
Good idea, topic, but you need to check your flow and don't use slang or short versions of a word! It makes the poem feel unprofessional.
Lavvi
Thank you for the comments.
~Retro Disco666
Very nice, Retro. But you need some work on your grammar and you didn't capitalize an "I". well that's all for now!
~lady purple.
BTW: i'm rushing.
I agree with your last review. The grammar at first did through me off, but behind that was a beautiful poem. I liked the feel of a different era, it really made the poem believable, and it painted the picture. The title is perfect, too. Please, keep on writing!
I like it...: ] its really good. I have no critisim at all. But the grammar did throw me off guard at first..then I got the point of it. Its touching. : ]
Keep it up!!
-BG-