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Canary word: Present
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130,785 Literary Works • 671,481 Reviews
My only complaint about this bit was that you used the pronoune "he" to start most of your sentences, and it was forboding for the first paragraph you used it in consistantly, then I found it tiring. Try to switch it up a bit?
Other than that, I got chills with the last few lines, and had the impulse to check over my shoulder...good job.
All I can say is, Jon needs to realize that there are easier ways of finding out whether you're dreaming or not. *winces*
Fun stuff, Brad.
Prokaryote
ah man....
(sighs)
Addicted again...
Ah this was scary! I didn't expect it to be scary but it was! Poor Jon, he's not going to die is he?!
You did wonderful on description! I loved this one, Can I be the biggest fan of Pro. as well??
Great Job on this Brad! I didn't you were such a great Horror writer.
Keep at it!
~Rieda