Hello! I've been reading these, and until now, I haven't had a critique.
“Stop it, Kyle! You can’t keep manipulating me as you please!”
...I had a bloody post here, and it left me.
Anyway.
Don't interrupt Jonathon's dialogue with Kyle's actions - you do it a few times. There's a long string of dialogue where Jonathon addresses Kyle by name in every single sentence. That's annoying; don't do that. Emo Jonathon returns.
Nice ending, though. Wonderful comeback. I might start using that...
Came back, finally...
missing a word?No. Before you go looking others
Nice comment to bring back“Jonathon—get laid.”
Your words in this impress me more and more. I love how everyone tells Jon to get laid, that's hylarious. Good job on this one.
Ack. This is like a really bad situation here. Thats jon talking, isn't it? The fact that Kyle has an action after it (without a paragraph break, mind) will make people think it was kyle (despite the fact that Kyle was speaking before this)“I’m not really sure what I saw.” Kyle clicked, and the figures on the screen started jumping and twirling again.
that sounds SOO cool!The way entropy is basically the guiding hand of the universe, edging it to the limits of chaotic behavior, remember?
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