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140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
I don't like the 'they'. It makes it seem like they're saying it at the same time.
This made me laugh.
For some reason, this sounds unnatural. Maybe it's the swear? It seems like he'd be in too much of a hurry.
The phone conversation confused me too. I thought you were about to switch to Kyle's point of view, but then you didn't.
I like how confused Jon's getting.
Ch. just keeps getting more suspenseful. If any other story dealt with zombies I'd probably not like it, but here, you explain it and it makes sense. I'm going to read 45 now.
-Jenna
weeee zombies! I'm excited to see them meet, and I really wish the mean people would stop messing with kyle's/jon's/sarah's (even though I hate her) idea of wtf is going on. They're really making everyone confused and disbelieving..at least with jon. I feel bad for him. It's not like he should care for Sarah anyway! :-p but you said something would come up that might make me change my mind... =D
Doesn't this seem rather out of place?I also have to say the action and the dialog of the phone conversation confused me at times, though I kept in mind we could only hear (and see) one end, it still confused me in places. Perhaps it should be read over by you or something?
Wow! Bomb ending. There are so many different ends in which to love Ch. The pain, some happiness(lol), relationships, science and medical problems. Your reader is learning as they're reading and hardly noticing it through all the action. It's brilliant.
I do love this one, this one was wonderful! I hope that Kyle isn't in Antarctica, I don't think he is but...again, I don't have the expertice to predict such things. lol
Keep at it Bradness! You're a Pro for sure.
~Rieda