z

Young Writers Society



Prosthesis #58 /P

by Incandescence


Removed.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
516 Reviews

Points: 4890
Reviews: 516

Donate
Tue Jun 05, 2007 5:43 am
Riedawriter23 wrote a review...



Awww , I knew Kyle would never kill Jon! :) Hopefully he'll kill Ariel though? ...he better, either that or I will. And what about Sarah, because she's obviously not best-friends with Kyle OR Jon... Hmm, I hope she finds out that Jon is really good, because ultimately, she's bad. It seems like the only good people now are Kyle and Jon, as they should be. Great Pros.! I was freaking out becuse I had a feeling someone was going to get their ass kicked. But then again, I usually have that feeling. :) Great job!

~Rieda




User avatar
2058 Reviews

Points: 32885
Reviews: 2058

Donate
Thu May 31, 2007 2:35 pm
Emerson wrote a review...



Sarah noticed his eyes getting glassy and rolled her eyes.
I think it should be "rolled hers" although would it be apostrophe s? Because otherwise your repeat "eyes"

I love how you have lovely romance and humor at the end! *hugs jon*

You did good, we know some more about CMP, we think we get it, blah blah, and we had to wonder about Ariel and Sarah? While they were walking around I was wondering, what exactly did Ariel do with Jon? Something really bad? Because he obviously wasn't running around screaming like a sissy boy. Then I had to wonder if they were going to attack Kyle, Sarah, that is. And the presence Kyle felt? That French boogey man! haha.

This was lovely :-D One thing I was thinking, is that in Melnikov, because it's obviously going to have CMP in it, you can finish off explaining stuff from this book? Or not, because that has to be the same length as well, and that would just be a lot of telling ^^' eh, you know wtf you're doing so I'll leave it to you.





"You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things..."
— Gone With the Wind