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140,561 Literary Works • 673,439 Reviews
Hi, Crysi -
Indeed, the story follows an episodic pattern of conflict until 11. From 12 to about 25, though, the conflict begins tapering away from Jonathon/Kyle to Jonathon/Sarah, Kyle/Sarah, and other relationships, with 12 really marking the end of them. From 25 onward, Ch. becomes far more plot-oriented, and all this minutia of argument and details takes on a far greater and more important role.
Good points, all around!
Best,
Brad
*sigh*
Brad... I keep getting the feeling that this has happened before. Like, every "episode" is the same. Jonathon and Kyle fight, Jonathon gets all pissy/emo, Kyle ends up with some chick, and nothing is ever solved. Why should I keep reading? (I will - I'm asking it from a reader's point of view. Why should the reader really CARE?)
I loved the bit with the prostitute, all of it. Lovely work of yours, you and sex go together XD
I didn't get the name change from Callie, to Ariel, perhaps you could explain the reason behind this to me a little better some time? Oh, and are we ever going to find out what happened to Callie/Ariel?
This was really good! I like all of it.
The bold type sounds a little awkward because she walked into the living room AND leaned across the dining table?
Other wise I really loved this. You changed the name of Callie to Ariel right? I like that name better as well. Great Job!