I'm seven through and I'm still interestd. I agree with most of the others, it was a bit confusing, but at least its beginning to come together.
As usual, your writing is superb; I did however, feel that the last installment of this contained rather stiff dialogue (as Mesh pointed out). This section (chapter?) makes amends for that though. Sooner or later I'll find the time for more...
Good job =]
So, basically, because you have about a million and two of these, I'll just be pointing out things that could be improved.
I was confused at first about what was happening - I didn't know if he was alone with the girls and they were explaining what they could do or whatever. It's... weird. It took me a few read-throughs to actually move on and understand it.
Also, this part:
“Do not talk when I am talking to you, you punk!”
I'm so pleased to see things finally coming together! Yes! Connections are made!
“Tomato, tomato…”
This was the best of all, I agree with Claud! This was more of a calm version of craziness I guess I should say, instead of the major secretive issues you made the matter lawful and also used the idea from your first post (of this story). I can clearly visualize your characters AND their personalities which is marvelous. Great Job!
yay #7 !
I had to point this out, because I liked it so much. The fact that you say he mouthed 'an apology' could mean he said sorry or anything, I just like how its vague.Kyle gave an innocent shrug and mouthed an apology.
Single quote used, rather than a double quote.‘Thank you!”
This is such a good story. Thats perfect.“Don’t flatter yourself, Dr. Graham. You weren’t half as good as most of the boys I’ve slept with.”
“And I thought incest was illegal! Huh!”
(I think I already thanked you.. oh well)
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