Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
Not sure what it is about this sentence, but I don't like it being there. It sounds kind of action less because its a bland sentence. Fix it?
You know you almost made me cry? For once you showed your power of lack of dialog, and it moved me entirely. The way you could feel the tension, I wanted to cry. It was so painful to see them like that without trust and both in horrible situations. You must be a very good writer to have me almost cry, because I don't often cry while reading. only two other books have made me want to cry (I've never actually cried xD) That or I'm emotional today, which I doubt...
So, bravo. Everyone says you are best at dialog, but here everything showed through because of the lack of it... You rock
Oh that's wonderful Brad! I mean I knew that Jon couldn't hurt Kyle...but Kyle, I can't really say that I know for sure he's not taking Jon away. I hope he isn't as a concern and feeling for your characters, but if he was...that would also be a very nice twist in your plot. lol.
I still don't know what's going to happen to Sarah though. I can't wait until I find out what's happening with her. And Jon is willing giving up important info? That helps Kyle right, that is if Kyle is betraying him, he did seem a bit reluctant in your beautiful ending. Ooo I can't wait!
Keep at it Bradness!
~Rieda