Young Writers Society

"Hush," Kyle interrupted. "This vavcation is non-negotiable.

*vavcation=vacation. That was all I saw wrong that hasn't already been said.

On that not, I really liked this! I think it was a great addition to the previous chapter. The Kyle/Jon thing still makes me extremely happy though I was discouraged by the way Kyle reacted to the whole date thing. They're adorable together. Oh and during the part where Jon was saying he wasn't ready...I was so lost. I could have sworn they were talking about something else...but I got it after a couple of seconds, lol. I'm, starting right after I post this, waiting impatiently for the next post! No pressure .

~Rieda

"Kyle?" Jon asked, returning to the patient file. "No Dr. Lylac?"

This is quite good. The dialogue is excellent and keeps me intruiged. I especially love Kyle, and the way he is described. Well done. The one thing I might suggest is to stretch out the plot; maybe add a bit more detail to the things around the people...whether is be landscape or a feeling in the air.

Until next time,
The lovely Duchess

EDITED by Sam: Sorry, Duchess- as much fun as it is, we shan't use that word here, okay? Something more lighthearted, like "Meanie Poo Head", might be in order. ^_~ Got to keep it clean for the kids, namely Brad. *ducks*

Incan wrote:"I just want play," Jon whined, half-amused at Kyle.

Incan wrote:"Allright, then," Mr. Hoffman tipped his hat. "Thank you very much, Doc."