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140,907 Literary Works • 673,717 Reviews
I think the 'a' should be taken out. we never say 'a anger' we just say anger.
This one was nice. It was so diverse to see kyle, always the controller, being beaten to the point of begging. Begging for Jonathan, none the less. I have a guess about who this she is, too. I'm curious to see if it really is who I think it is.
My only complaint would be, I cared for kyle, but I didn't care for him ENOUGH. I was watching someone I love get beaten to death, I was hoping it would bring tears to my eyes, or something. I felt sad for him in some moments, in others it was really nothing. This isn't something needed to be changed, it works amazing as is. I just think, if at all possible, the emotions should be brought out stronger. I wanted to cry for kyle, cry with kyle, feel his pain. But I couldn't.
But like I said, it still works. Think I can place bets on who this 'she' really is?
Hey Brad,
I've been enjoying Ch more of late because it seems there's finally some identifiable movement in the plot -- before it seemed somewhat stagnant -- and because the conflicts seem to be tying together and moving forward to some sort of resolution (whatever that might be).
Specifically on this chapter, I felt your descriptions and narrative were strong. Your writing was as strong as ever. But ... I wonder if he could really survive that much punishment? I mean ... cutting, burning, beating, smashing ... seems rather over the top.
Other than that, it's been good to see Kyle taken away from his usual situation and thrust into something like this.
This was perfect! I swear that I felt my head being slammed into a wall. And I'm wondering is this an anonymous character of is this Sarah? I'm not saying that it should say it in here I'm just saying that you left yet another wonderful suspenceful ending! I was afraid the whole time that Kyle was just going to die, simple as that. And how you kept a scene like that going for that amount of time I will never know. It was never uninteresting and now I really want to read the next to see what is to come. You have such a wonderful and intruiging plot!
Keep it up!
-Rieda